This I didn't ask for This!
by Otakufan1034
Summary: Hey guys, It's me!. Anyway I have a new story, this one Is about Hetalia. You know the Unit fanfics? Yeah I was Inspired by a lot of them I read. I thought It would be fun so I decided to try It. I have an OC character In this one. He's so pretty. Alright I don't own hetalia or anything to do with It really.
1. Dick, ass, prick etc of the century

**Author's Note:**_ Hey everybody recently I've been reading alot of Hetalia Unit fics..some are okay,...I'm not lame...anyway I thought It'd be a good Idea to try my hand at It don't worry It's a story Invovling my Original Character. Heads up this Is Yaoi..but It with defiantly have both gender groping...and badass kickassery, AKA: lot's of yelling and cussing, and unintentional concusions._

This?...I didn't ask for _**This!**_

Chapter 1 - Dick, ass, prick (etc.) of the century

I am a natural loner, I live by my-self, I only had a few friends here and there, but that was back In school, I'm 23 now. Although, those friends were banished to the land of friends-on-my-rather-un-used-facebook-account-land never to be heard from again. I'm a boy...and I'm a giant yaoi fan...like pervert brain to the max. I am small for my stature and hey I'm super skinny, I have Black hair, and green eyes. I know, I know by now your all like 'OMG! IT'S A YAOI FANBOY! SNAP A PICTURE HONEY, BEFORE IT RUNS AWAY'.

I know I'm a rare breed, but I know they're lots of people like me (I've been on enough forums to know) I have a very...bleak out look on life...don't get me wrong I'm not emo or anything, I just don't care as much as I should.

You can Imagine how that would be difficult for me through life so I'll leave It there.

So I guess I should recount all this from the very begining, ugh my head acks just thinking about It, but reluctantly I'll tell you the whole story.

It all started with Ren Maaka from the anime series Karin body pillow. Before you judge me google Image his ass then come back I'll wait.

"...,"

"...,"

"...,"

Fucking hot as hell huh? This was the body pillow, and Ren was striping his black dress shirt, with blood dripping from his lips. Hey I'm no team whatever fanboy okay? I'm just making an exception for this. It wasn't very hard to convince me at all by the way.

And please don't ask me why I think two guys pumpin' Into each other Is arousing okay? It just fucking Is alright!...oh fuck I just had a Naruto moment there. I shuddered, okay back to body pillow perchasing on Amazondotcom, and yes that site was my anime merchandise obtaining god!

Well I would've went back to body pillow shopping, If a stupid new news alert hadn't blasted In my face. It read and I quote:

**BRAND NEW HETALIA: AXIS POWERS MERCHANDIS-**

I didn't finsh readin' It I clicked It as soon as I read the word Hetalia. Yeah, I have quiet a few crushes on that show. Anyway back to the link.

As soon as I clicked on It I was brought to a company site called Convenient Unit Manufacturing co. Pfffft, If you wondering what I'm laughing at figure out the company's abrieviation I'll wait.

Heh, Hilarious right, yeah perverted brain to the max. Anyway back to the site at hand I read the oh-so-convient short summary on what the company sold or did:

Summary: Hello valued customer (yeah, my money Is valued) Welcome to Convenient Unit Manufactuaring Co.(CUM) here you can order your favorite Hetalia: Axis powers characters by a simple click of a button, and In 3 to 4 buisness days you'll have your very own Hetalian Character, Click this link to order yours today! [Link]

So I clicked on the Link duh. I was then given a choice on what hetalia charater I wanted, weither I wanted a male or female version, or a chibi version. I paused here, because although the rabid fanboy In me was screaming 'MAKE YOUR OWN HAREM DAMNIT!'

My rational side decided to think things though. It was going to be male that was a given, but what chracter did I want? Russia? Dark flashings of fanfics raked through my vision, so I chucked that Idea out the Window. France? flowers and creepy laughes Imiadately filled my head. Naw to perverted for my tatses, If I got him I probably would be attacked on sight.

Ah! why the fuck was I questioning this? I knew exactly who I was going to get I clicked Male, Great Britian, non-chibi. I deposited my Debit card number, my Location Info of course and clicked Submit.

As soon as I did that a Giant Japanese, smiling emoticon filled my Web Browser and SCREAMED: CONGRADULATIONS ON YOUR PURCHASE!

I of course like any normal person, _fell_ out of my chair with a loud choked scream. Good thing I lived In the middle of nowhere. Just then I heard soft little pitter-pattering of feet moving fast against wooden planks.

"Meow!"

Oh It was just my cat Luna, true to her name she was all black, except for a cresent moon shaped patch of white fur on her left eye, with peircing slitted lime/green eyes. "H-hey Luna what's up?" I asked sheepishly.

"Meow,"

"I see...,"

"Meow,"

"huh? that can't be."

"Meow,"

"It can't be so!"

"MEOW!"

"Okay I'm sorry I'll go get you some food..," I got up quickly and made my way to the kitchen.

"Damn cat has always to vuin my fantasies...Fuck," I did It again, I occasionaly speak In a russian accent, It has It's own way of moving Into my speech patterns. It usually only happens when I'm extremely tired, or EXTREMELY pissed off.

I finally made my way down the stairs, and to the kitchen. I reached the cupboard were I kept Luna's food In "Fuck!" the cupboard only had only 12 cans of canned food left, I would have to go to the store soon.

"Fucking great, the nearest store from here Is like...over half an hour away," I opened a can of food and plopped the disgusting gob of brown goop Into Luna's bowl. She 'meowed' again then set to eating.

"Bleh...don't think your getting any kisses from me anytime sweetheart," I sighed as I went back up the stairs, Time to take a shower.

I was a clean freak what could I say, I liked to take a shower every night, then go to bed promptly after reading a couple pages of whatever manga I was absorbed In at the moment.

I finished reading the 18th book of this new Yaoi series I had stumbled upon. It was called sweet something or other. I sighed switched of my light and stared out the window at the driveway silently, exictedly waiting for my unit to come.

I sat back onto my bed, and pulled my covers up to my neck, when I felt something climb on my bed and laid down Infront of my arms I giggled and hugged Luna to my chest. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

...**.**.**.**.**.**.**.**.**.**.**.**.**...**

**BAM! BAM! BAM!**

"H-huh?" I blinked, Luna jumped out of my arms and ran somewhere to hide I guessed.

I jumped up out of bed and ran to the door, speeding down the stars.

**BAM! BAM! BAM!**

"I'm coming vhy don't you shut the fuck up!" damn russian accent. I whipped the door open, Immediately reggetting It as the cruel, cold air hit me full force..._AW FUCK I forgot we were In fucking North England...FUCK!_

I came face to face with a crate with a giant label on the side saying this way up...and an arrowing pointing up obviously with airholes at the top.

"Oi, I have a delivery here for ya' from...Convenient Unit Manufacturing Company," dralled a annoying male canadian accent.

I laughed quietly 'HE'S HERE!' my inner fanboy screamed, but yet again my rational side took over, I coughed and managed a loud "yes...Thank-you," I smiled, and he handed me a signy-name-on-the-dotted-line-thingy, I signed for It.

he handed me a rather thick phamplet "here's his Instruction manual..," I took the 'phamplet' from the guy. I stole a glance at him before nervously staring back down at the manual, the manual read:

**PRUSSIAN UNIT: GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT**

I stared at the manual '_PRUSSIAN?_' "Eh, bub I didn't order the prussian unit..I ordered the england one _da_?" I said menacingly, but he looked unfazed "hey, you ordered this..,"

"This?..." I tapped the box "_I DIDN'T ORDER __**THIS!**_" I hissed okay now I was pissed.

The delivery guy yelped "H-hey don't shoot the messenger...I only deliver the things you have a problem...call customer services," and before I could say anything thing else he bolted to his delivery truck.

"Vhat the fuck?...you better run you dick head...I swear If I ever see you again..THEY'LL VE HELL TO PAY!" I shouted Into the darkness.

I turned around to the crate and sighed, then I looked down at the manual...'well why not might be fun to read...'.

I walked Into the kitchen, sighed, then began...the first page was the way to get him out of the crate...

In small text It says to remove the Prussian unit to simply state one of three things:

1. talking like Russia

2. saying "you will become with Mother Russia, da?"

him 'Kaliningrad'

well that was boring...I flipped to the part labeled modes he had a happy mode, a depressed mode, a domestic mode, a loving mode, a sadistic mode, and a...a...horny mode?

Apparently these where all ativated my certain command I was bored so I read the horny command.

all you had to say was?

"4 meters Is the biggest I've ever had!" I screamed with a vigorious blush spreading to my ears.

Suddenly I heard a loud explosion come from my front door...I slowly went over to the front hallway.

They're bits of crate everywhere, but what I saw next truthly horrified me...Prussia was standing there without a single smear of plaster on him.

I walked Into view then let out a sheepish "H-hi..," the Prussian Immediately locked his eyes on me, and gave me a creepy smirk "Kesesesese, biggest you've ever had huh?" I blushed, his laugh sent a tremble down my spine. Suddenly he ran at me, I paniced and ran up the stairs with his manual. Only to be stuck at a dead-end hallway.

'Shit! I read a lot of fanfics to know what would happen next.'

"Kesesesesese, no where to run now...," he came closer, and I was freaking out. Seriously my fucking heart was probably going 5 billion beat per second.

I gulped, then he grabbed my crotch "Your cute, want to see my 4 meters?" I couldn't help It I let out a low high-pitched mewl/whimper.

It was hot In here all of a sudden, just then he crashed his lips down onto mine. I stared wide-eyed Into his red eyes. He then proceeded to rape my mouth with his tongue, he tatsed sweet, and his tongue was soft I moaned slightly against his mouth.

He pulled away "you tatse sweet, I wonder how you feel else were."

At this point I bet you asking why the fuck I was enjoying this so much when my heart was owned by England? Well google Image prussia's pic I'll wait and not the cute ones the real life looking ones with the sketchy type style.

...

...

...

Yeah, now Imagine, since your reading this I'm going to assume your a girl, that hunk of awesomeness grabbing your boob, and rubbing It roughly while he rapes your mouth with his soft ass tongue!

Anyway back to the smexy man moment, Prussia had begun to attack my neck. Then I realized something fucking fantastic.

I still had the manual.

Yes, bad luck gods be damned, there's a god on my side, and she loves me!

Ooops I mean he/or she because there's totally not someone making this story up off the top of their head.

I broke the 4th wall, I'll shut-up now.

I brung the manual up over Prussia's head, sucessfully putting my arms around his neck as a distraction. Considering the smirk I felt against my neck and the strings of 'Kesesseses's' I heard, It worked.

I quickly skipped to the mode section. Then skimmed that, and finally found something perfect.

"Get the fuck off me, you disgusting, pedophilic, albino," I growled In his ear with a deep russian accent.

It seemed to work because he stopped and leaned back, woah..that glare was scary. 'Shut-up fear gland!' Now was not the time to freak out. "You are russian?" I smiled like russia and replied "Da," then chuckled darkly "Shall become one?"

I swear the Albino fucking turned a whole new stage of white. he then ran off In some other direction.

I headed to the fucking kitchen, so I could call customer service, and find out why the fuck I just got throat fucked by an egotistical communist.

I sat down at the table and went through the manual. After about 10 minutes of skim reading I found out the Fucking thing was on the last page. It always Is damnit.

I sighed, and glanced up, then again promptly fell out of my chair, like a normal person would If they saw a pair of blood red eyes staring at you, over the top of a Journal, at least I think It was a journal I mean It said 'JOURNAL' on the cover In gold font.

Woah, brain-fart.

I smirked, as I thought up a quick insult to get over the un-comfortable arkward silence I was recieving. "What, were they all out of frilly hot pink diaries at the 'Let's just freak people out all the time' store?"

He raised an eyebrow, and I cursed my-self for thinking It was hot. "What? I always right, In my journal, because I'm awesome."

I rolled my eyes remembering why I disliked the fuck-wad In the first place. Heh he couldn't hold a candle to my beloved, bumbling, blushing, Iggy.

"Yeah, and I'm the queen of poland." Which he replied to with, "Poland has a queen?" And I resisted the urge to facepalm.

I tried to get up then stopped I felt something, something, that's was making my pants uncomfortable. I looked down, and sure enough.

**BONER**.

Fucking great I looked up, and noticed Prussia was eyeing me suspicously, obviously wondering why the fuck I hadn't gotten up yet.

I gulped silently, then said "Hey Gilbert think you could, um turn around for a moment?" I asked In my best Canada voice. I realized a long time ago when dealing with pricks, you ask them as nicely as possible, since when you yelled at them they seemed to want to do the exact fucking opposite of what you told them.

He just shrugged and went back to writing In his journal. I thanked god again for placing him at the back of the kitchen, so I had a clear get away from 'The kitchen of crushing embarassment'.

I hopped up quickly and ran towards the third floor of my house, went Into a random room, then skidded to a hault In the bathroom, turned, and locked the door, then turned the shower on. Don't ask why I know the proper precedure of masturbating without company hearing.

Anyway, I fixed my 'problem' thanks to a mental Image of Iggy In a...let's just say 'compromising' position. After that I cleaned up, and turned off the shower.

I went down stairs and picked up the phone, then dialed the number for the customer service place. Prussia was still there writing In his diary, yeah I'm gonna call It a diary, honestly I could've cared less.

I went over to the fridge while It was ringing, I spotted some vanilla yogurt In the back I reached for It, but It was to damned far. The phones was still ringing, I had to bend over to get the yogurt, I went over to the table and sat down.

I was fumbling with the tab to the yogurt when a computerized voice started talking.

_"Hello. You have contacted the Convenient Unit Manufacturing Co. Helps service Hotline,"(I laughed at that still, hey It's fucking funny) _

"_If your Unit is trying to kill you, your friends or loved ones, your enemies, other Units, or the general public, press one. If your Unit is destroying your property or the property of others, press two. If your Unit is trapped in one program and cannot be coaxed out of it, press three. If your Unit is performing actions not specified in the User's Manual, press four. If you have received a Unit that you did not order and you wish to make a return or exchange, press five. If you-_"

I pressed five sparing Prussia a glance. He was giving me a curious look, then he just went back to scribbling In his diary.

"_We understand that you have a Unit that you did not order. If you ordered a different Unit and received the wrong one, press one. If you did not order a Unit at all and received one anyway, press two._"

I pressed one obviously. I glance back up at Prussia, he was still giving me a curious look then went back to scribbling In his diary once again. I sighed, he was such a pain In the ass. At least when Iggy was annoying It was freaking adorable.

Why the fuck did I have to get the fucked up Fucktard sitting at my kitchen table...ugh I SO didn't ask for this.

"_We apologize sincerely for the error that has occurred in your shipping. If the Unit you received is still in its box and has not been in any way tampered with, press one. If the Unit has already been released from the box but has thus far not interacted with you, press two. If the Unit has been activated and has already interacted with you, press three._"

"Isn't that the fucking understatement of the century." I glanced back up at Prussis, little prick was smirking. I just glared ,and pressed three.

"_We, again, sincerely apologize for the inconvenience our mistake has caused you. None the less, we are unable to take back Units that have interacted with their owners without several steps taken, most of which are illegal. We do understand that our manual offers replacements for accidental shipment of Chibi Units and alternate versions of Units. This is mostly because Chibi Units are much easier to wrestle back into the packaging. We ask first that you do not sue us for the damages caused by your new Unit and if you still desire the Unit you originally purchased, stay on the line and a customer service recipient will be with you shortly._"

"Heh, well that's a given..," I muttered while licking my yogurt. Yeah, I was to lazy to get a spoon. I waited boredly In my chair while classical music played through the phone.

I glanced back up at Prussia he was still giving me that look. I stared, and with yogurt still In my mouth I asked "what the fuck are you staring at bird boy?"

"Bird boy..," he muttered then gasped and exclaimed "Gilbird!" and left the room, I was grateful for the non-Prussian filled space.

"_Hello, this is the returns and exchanges help desk. I understand that you have a Unit that you did not order and it has already been activated and interacted with?_"

"Mmmhmm." I replied monotonously.

"_Is this a Chibi Unit that you received, or an altogether different model that looks nothing like what you originally sent out for?_"

"I don't know...what do you think shit head...of course It's fucking different," I muttered surprisingly calm.

_"Who Is It?"_

"It was supposed to be England, but what's In my front hallway right now Is a Prussian Unit,"

"_Prussia? Alright, and I assume you want us to remove him in exchange for your ordered England Unit?_"

"Uh duh...," seriously was with all the dumb questions?

Just then Prussia came back In the room with his creepy canary on his head and sat down. Right. Where. He. Did. Last. Time.

I groaned, and paid more attention to the phone.

"_Well, after Prussia's out of the crate you're going to have some problems getting him back in. By the sounds of It you have a Prussia Unit and not a Kaliningrad, which means your only hope, is to get him drunk enough for him to pass out and then lock him inside and hope the delivery van comes before he sobers up. Otherwise I suppose you could try getting him into Frightened Mode, but lacking a Russia Unit I doubt you have the strength to manage that._"

"Mmmhmmm," I said Irritated, "Well...I don't have any alcohol, so I doubt that It'll be helpful...plus I don't think I want this fucker anywhere NEAR me when he's drunk...,"

I looked up at Prussia he was glaring at me, I flipped him off and went back to my conversation.

"_Yeah, sorry about that. But hey, we don't want you to be unsatisfied so tell you what, I'll have the company send you your England Unit that you paid for and let you keep Prussia as a free gift!_"

My mouth dropped open...I looked at Prussia again he was smirking. "FUCK NO CAN'T YOU JUST SEND HIM TO THE DUMP OR SOMETHING!" I screamed franktically.

_" Thank you for ruining my ear drum...and no I'm sorry If you do that he'll die,"_

"...,"

"_um, hello?"_

"Give me a sec I'm thinking about It..,"

_"whatever I'm hanging up now..,"_

**BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...**

Bitch hung up on me, I glanced up at Prussia he looked pretty mad I just smirked, and ate the last of my yogurt, but while It was still In my mouth Prussia just had to say this.

"You know I have a better white substance that would look great In your mouth..,"

I sputtered, unfortuantly sending the last of my yogurt down my chin, I wiped It away.

"Eww...," I muttered. I stood up and rubbed my hands on my pants. When something painfully obvious struck my thought process.

"Where the fuck are you going to sleep?" I only had one bed and that was mine, plus the couch wasn't big enough for him to sleep on.

FUCK. MY. LIFE.


	2. I love sexy dancing!

Author's Note: Hey guys I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and here' the second I always try to up-load as soon as possible anyway here's more humor..P.S. I haven't thought of a name for my OC yet any Ideas? I'm sure I'll fine something eventually, maybe something to do with his appearance.

This?...I didn't ask for _**This!**_

"Where the fuck are you going to sleep?" I only had one bed and that was mine, plus the couch wasn't big enough for him to sleep on.

FUCK. MY. LIFE.

"Yeah where am I going to sleep?" he glanced over to me and glared. Was he...was he trying to Intimmiadate me? "Don't look at me pervert albino, fine your own damn bed, I'm tired and I'm going to sleep."

He glared at me again. "Hey! It's not like I wasn't provoked!"

"Fuck off ya' bloody yank!" I narrowed my eyes at him and glared.

"You're lucky I don't throw your ass out Into the cold!"

I got glared at again then he turned back to his bird "It's fine gilbired we will just leave the Un-awesome person alone, and go be awesome somewhere else."

"Hey," I said adding a twinge of concern to my voice. He turned to me looking hopeful "Don't touch anything that looks Important you bloody yank," I said deadpan.

I went upstairs to my room, I took my pants off like I do every night then I sat on my bed. I read a couple of volumes of the my new yaoi manga. I tucked them away back where they belonged on my bookshelf. I finally got under the covers and pulled them over my shoulders.

It was fucking freezing I had on my black long-sleeved shirt, and It still wasn't warm enough. I pressed my self up against the wall my bed was pushed against, and stared out the window.

It was snowing, It looked so beuatiful. So white and perfect. Creamy, and delicate. I sighed and finally started to nod off. Then my door creaked open, and I figured It was probably Luna come to sleep In my bed for warmth to.

My bed dipped as she laid down, I turned over smiling and hugged her "hey Luna..**,**" I said smiling. Then I realized...Luna was under the covers. Why would a cat want to be under the covers?

Then I thought...the body I was hugging was way bigger than a small cats body. I popped one eye open still sleepy. There was a person In my bed.

'OKAY CALM DOWN DON'T FREAK OUT!'

I squinted In the dark room, only to find a familiar crop of white hair "G-gilbert?" I whispered quietly. Then I realized I was still hugging him and recoiled pressing my back up against the wall.

I freaked out, I squeaked.

Then whispered furiously "what the fuck are you doing In my room you bloody git!" He stiffened, then scowled "My awesome self Is not sleeping on the floor, plus It's cold as fuck here, so I just...can't I sleep here for one fucking night!" he whispered.

"...,"

"Hey...,"

"Wait a second I'm thinking,"

Well he sounded so pitiful...and It was cold plus he was warm, and I was cold also. Plus I doubt he knew anyone he could go spend the night with. God damn heartstrings...they were so In-convenient when trying to be a jerk.

I sighed "fine, but only because I'm tired, and I'm cold too, plus you haven't given me any other option...but there Is a catch," I whispered. "What catch?' he hissed back at me.

I hugged him again, then cuddled up close placing my head on his chest. "Don't. Fucking. Move," I hissed threateningly.

He didn't, I felt too tired, so I fell asleep. I dreamt of Iggy that night. We were sitting at a table drinking tea. We were eating the scones he had made earlier. They were delicous blueberry my favorite.

I woke up that morning with an arm slung over my shoulders pressed tightly up against something soft, and warm. I sighed and snuggled Into It deeper. Then coziness got beat the fuck up by, relilazation.

I sat up, and looked down bleary eyed. Sure enough, that damn albino was down there snuggling himself while I was away. He looked strangely peaceful. I decided to leave him alone.

I got out of bed slowly and gracefully. I paused everytime I felt him stir or groan In his sleep. Hey! His fucking bird was sleeping on my side of the bed now. Stupid fluff ball. You know I've always wanted a yellow goose down pillow.

Nah, he was too fluffy, plus he wouldn't make much of a pillow. I got up and tucked the covers back In place, and around Prussia. I took my laptop of my desk along with the charger, and my pants then headed down stairs. I put my laptop, and charger on my coffee table.

I pulled my pants on and buttoned them. I sighed combing a hand through my hair, and scratching my face and back cause they were Itchy. I yawned, and smiled at the clear window pane wall that was my the east part of my living room.

I then went Into the kitchen, and got the box of Fruit rings In my cubboard. poured my self a bowl. I got the milk out of the refrigerator and poured It In the bowl. Then looked down at It.

Breakfast was served.

I went back Into the living room, and started eating while watching Pokemon. After Pokemon was over, and I was bored with the online Manga reading I closed the laptop. I took the bowl Into the kitchen and placed It In the dish washer.

By then It was 10:47 A.M.

I sighed probably time to get Gilbert up. I climbed the stairs, and opened my door. Sure enough he was fast asleep. I walked over to him and, shook him "Gilbert..," I whispered.

"Hey, Gilbert get up."

"Mnn..,"

That was It I ripped the covers from him. He curled up Into a ball Immiadately, as a reaction to the loss of warmth.

"HEY YA' FUCKING BLOODY ASSHOLE I'M TALKIN' TO YA!"

Yeah...I had no tolerance In the mornings. "Huh?," Gilbert finally opened his eyes. Then he realized It was just me and scowled. "Hey!, what an Un-awesome bastard like you waking the awesome me up?" I rolled my eyes.

Yeah, calling yourself awesome In third-person reference wasn't annoying _at all._

"I said, get up already It's morning..," I replied exasperated. I sighed then smirked when a thought occured to me. "Alright fine I'll just get drunk by my-self then, god knows It's for the best, when I get wasted I literally fling my-self at anything that's moving."

I went trough the door and closed It, chuckling lightly when I heard a dull 'thud' come from the room.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

_Ugh, It's a monday damnit don't these people ever sleep? _I sighed again then went to the door and opened It.

"Yeah, yeah what Is It?' I asked lazily leaning against the doorframe.

"U-uhm, Is this R-..,"

"Yeah that's me," I interrupted. I yawned, It was still early, and I was tired damnit, gentlemeness be damned!

"R-right...uhm could you," I sighed and took the clipboard from the bumbling twit, seriously It was to early In the morning to deal with this.

I signed then handed It back to him. "First day on the job huh?" I muttered nonchalantly. The blonde blushed, and spluttered "Yeah, h-how'd you know?"

"Lucky guess," I muttered, as he set the crate Inside. He smiled at me, and left. I closed the door after him, expertly slaming my finger Inside the door In the process.

I stiffened then held my finger up to my eyes then muttered "Ouch." It was to early for pain.

I reached for the top of the box, un-sucessfully mind you, for the manual. I couldn't reach It, damn this box was tall.

I'm 5'7'' damnit this thing was a good 6 ft.

"Kesesesesese...," I winced, great Mr. Macho probably saw that. I turned around, and glared at him darkly.

after a few moments, I furrowed my eyebrows. "C-could...you...," I stammered, then stopped. The litlle bastard was smirking, he KNEW what I was going to ask him. that little...

**This part of the story has been taken out due to the long string of bad words It contains.**

...Pervert. Anyway, I wasn't about to ask this ass for help. I kicked the bottom of the box, making It fall over In the process. I smirked as I reached for the manuel that was now on the floor.

I glanced at the cover, and Instantly paled, my eyes wide with horror. I turned to look at Gilbert, he seemed confused at my reaction, and a little bit scared.

"Meine gute fucking god! Wir werden im Schlaf ermordet zu werden!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Gilbert wrenched the manual from my hands. And gaped.

The manual was Intitled:

**IVAN BRANGINSKI: USER'S GUIDE AND MANUEL**

"H-how do we go about waking him up?" I asked tentatively.

"Hm,...well I think this one Is the least emotionally scaring..," I glanced at the page and sighed, really? The one freaking time my russian accent Is needed and It's to wake _him _up?

I walked up to the box carefully, I glanced back at Gilbert who was being an ass smirking It up.

I summoned all my courage, and tried to sound as menacingly as possible "Oh, Espat?" I asked.

Not soon after there was whimpering, and silent sobbing coming from the crate. With Gilbert's help we opened up the box to reveil a cowering, sniveling Russian.

He glanced up at us, but turned his attention to me first. "O-oh you are not natalya..,"

I laughed "Nope!" I exclaimed cheerfully. "But that Is a good thing, da?" He smiled and replied "Da."

He rolled out of the box, and got up. I handed him his belongings, and asked "would you like me to show you to your room?"

He smiled, taking the box and replied "Da."

I sighed and headed up the stairs I showed him to the first room on the second floor to the left.

"This'll be your room If you don't mind." I opened the door, all four of the walls were yellow with brown trim, and a bed with violet bedding.

I got bedding materials, somewhere In all this choas don't ask how, cause that's classified.

I smirked, and laughed "I guess this room Is pretty weird, seeing as how Is suits your personality so well."

"Oh? How so?" he asked. I blushed, and blinked.

"W-well...you like sunflowers right?..and the wall are yellow and brown...kinda like sunflowers, and the bed spread matches your ey-..," I left off, and laughed nervously.

"Sorry, I kinda mini-ranted there," I looked at him, he smiled "No, It's fine..**.**"

I sighed, and left the room "I'll call you when dinner Is ready, so just get yourself situated for now..," I replied drearily leaving.

Ugh. I didn't want to cook dinner...maybe?

I looked for Prussia, he was sitting on the coach staring at the T.V. blanky...which was weird until I remembered he's German, and they were kinda famous for that.

"Hey, Gil?" I muttered. He turned to face me, "You know, I've never had your cooking before...I don't even know If your a good cook or not," He scoffed at this.

"Of course the awesome me Is a great cook!" He exclaimed confidently, matching off towards the kitchen.

I chuckled, oh how I love manipulation! I picked up my laptop again, and started to goof off (which means I was randomly listening to youtube music) when I remembered a really good song.

I found It, and waited for It to load, then cranked up the volume, and sat the laptop down then hit 'play'.

I rocked out to the coutry beat before the the girl started singing.

"I was once a girl, and now I am a young woman, I blossomed and I sprung with all might!~" I sang.

"Ain't It kinda Intriging, the things for you that I'm feelin', seems as though It happened over night!~" I sang dancing slightly, just then Russia came doan the stairs, and I smirked.

As the music was playing I strided over to him, and took his hands, dancing around In circles.

"So, now that I'm not reclusive, please don't fine me Intrusive, tell me that your flattery Is. So. Ex-clus-ive!~" I sang twirling around the living room.

"Notice me, notice me~," I sang just then Prussia walked Into the room I laughed, and walked over to him grabbing his hand then started dancing with him as well.

"Notice me, notice me~," I continued, laughing at his mock scowl. "Face It baby, you need me~," He looked away. "Don't pretend you don't see me baby~," I sang.

I let go of him, and went over to Russia, who seemed to be waiting uncertainly. "Notice me, notice me," I sang, grabbing his hands, and dancing around agian "Notice me, notice me~," I sang. "You can be the one to please me honey~," I sang sweetly.

I walked over to Prussia again, and smiled at him. "Can't you tell that I'm smiling? Ain't It kinda begiling?~" I sang, grabbing his hand to dance with him again. I smiled, and chuckled at him. "Cause, you know that this smile Is all for you~," I said leaning close to him.

I pulled away then walked over to Russia again laughing, while taking his hand, twirling around all the while "I can light up a room now, I can light a good tune now!~" I sang while smirking.

"I could be most popular If this we're High School!~" I sang loudly, walking over to Prussia.

"Yes It's rather alarming~," I sang softly as I grabbed his hand, dancing around again.

"When you tease me It's charming~!" I giggled. "Go on, keep me guessing, because It's quiet-" I leaned In close to his face "Dis-arm-ing~!" I sang loudly.

"Notice me, notice me," I sang with walking over to Russian again "Notice me, notice me," I sang again.

I grabbed his hands again, laughing "Are your glad that you found me?" I sang spinning around. "How're you maintaing that cool around me?" I sang, smirking at his constant expression.

I let go, and stroad over to Prussia, who had a sour face on. "Notice me, notice me~!," I sang loudly. "Notice me, notice me~," I sang again. I leaned In close to his face "Take your job on, and ground me honey~!"

I smirked at his expression, which was still sour couldn't have any of that now could we?

I got up close, and personal "Nearing the end of the song now..," I sang. I hiked my leg up that I sneaked In between his thighs. "Is It turning you on now?" I snag In a sultry voice, making the poor nation blush, not that he could hide It anyway he's was beyond pale.

I pressed up against him, shoving him gently Into a wall. "Am I warm, or am I nice and hot?" I leaned down, and breathed across his neck "Ha," I moved up and blew Into the shell of his ear "Ha," I nibbled on his earlobe, causing him to gasp "Hot."

I pushed him over to the coach, and sang "Do you fancy when I'm near?" I sat on his lap. "I can bounce on you knee dear~," I sang "What ever you like, I plan to-" I leaned down, and whispered "Do It non-stop~," I sang.

I leaned back "I'm tired of playing these games, so darling which way do we go?" I sang, staring Into his eyes.

"Tell me I'm your lady, because I-" I got of his lap, and crossed my arms "won't. Be. You're hoe," I muttered walking over to Russia, standing Infront of him while still keeping my eye on Gilbert.

I turned to face Russia, and wrapped my arms around his neck, still staring at Gilbert "Notice me, notice me," I sang smirking at the fuming German."Notice me, notice me," I sang softly I turned back to Russia who was smiling.

I whipped my head around to Prussia "Why you makin' me shout It!" I glanced at Russia then stared back at him "Make a move because It's getting crowded," I softly sang.

Gilbert stood up quickly ran over to me, and yanked me away from Russia. I laughed "Notice me, notice me," I softly sang "Notice me, notice me," I sang cheerfully.

I pulled back roughly "Why you bein' such a dick about It?" I questioned, but then realized It was the end of the song, and stopped.

I walked over to my laptop, and shut It off. When I turned around I couldn't help, but glance down, and start laughing maniacally.

"W-what Is the Un-awesome you laughing about?" I laughed even harder.

"B-both of you, Hehehehe L-look down," I rolled on the floor laughing oh man, I couldn't breathe.

They looked down, oh you should have seen the looks on their faces, when they realized they were both 'ROCK HARD!'

Russia gasped, and blushed then ran up to his room, followed by 'His royal awesomeness' Prussia.

I snorted, then smelled something good "Dinner's ready!" I laughed then walked Into the kitchen.


	3. Fucking Perverted Assholes!

**Author' Note: **hey guys I hope your enjoying the fic so far many chapters are gonna be up soon I started this chapter at 7/5/2012 If you readin this now I probably finished It and uploaded so I hope you enjoy It!

This?...I didn't ask for _**This!**_

Chapter 3 - Fucking Perverted Assholes!

I went Into the kitchen to see 3 sausages In a pan. _Hehehe he's busy cooking his own sausage right now!_ I couldn't help It that was too funny I started laughing, and eventually fell on the floor.

"That was soooo fucking hilarious Ahahahahaha!" I laughed on the floor for awhile before I heard that most dreadfull noise.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

"Ugh!...Nooooooo!...why me!" I yelled. I had to get up, and get the door.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

"I'm coming damnit!" I yelled, as I walked up to the door, and wrenched It open and glared at the delivery guy.

"What?" I growled. "U-um...I have another delivery for you...," he muttered lowly. I groaned "Any Idea who It Is this time?" He shook his head 'No' I grolwed again as he wheeled It In.

He turned to look at me, he looked like he was going to say something, but just keep opening, and closing his mouth. "What?" I growled. "I-I need you to sign this," he said handing me a clipboard, and pen.

I signed for It then shoved It Into his chest. "You can leave now," I grumbled, but he was already out the door, and gone before I said 'leave' I grinned, so he was afraid of me I chuckled d arkly. Excellent.

I stared at the box, and walked over to It, yanking the manual off the side. I choked when I read the cover. "Oh why did I have to get the bloody frog!" I yelled.

"Ohonhonhonhon...Is that you Angleterre?"

_SHIT!_ It was to late the box exploded causing a whole bunch of wood to go everywhere.

"I-I...no...LEAVE ME ALONE YOU BLOODY FRENCHMAN!" I yelled, he just smiled. "You are not Angleterre, but you sound like one of his people," I sqeuaked and blushed the only part of that sentence I heard was 'one of angleterre's'.

"Ohonhonhonhon, mon cheri am I making you nervous?" Dreamland crushed upon annoying french accent. "I..!" I glared at him. He moved closer "You are quiet a cute one mon cheri, want to join the exclusive club of mes amants?"

"Hmph, for some reason I'm having a hard time believing that club Is exclusive," I growled. "Ohonhonhonhonhon~," I shivered, that laugh was so creepy. "You act like mon angleterre as well."

"I wonder If you tatse like him as well~," He stepped closer, and tried to kiss me. I kneed him In the crotch.

"Fucking french bastard, try that again, and I'll rip It off next time," I muttered darkly. Just then Prussia came down the stairs "what's all this Un-awesome yelling about!"

I smirked "Ya' done jerkin' ya' gerkin' already german boy?" To which he blushed madly, and replied, reather arkwardly I might add "Y-yes..I mean N-no...the awesome me doesn't have to 'Jerk It' because I'm to awesome for that."

"Yeah your so awesome, yet you live with your brother, you don't have a job, your single, and your not noticed much, _yeah that sounds totally awesome to me...Wahahahahaha,"_ I started laughing maniacally, and soon france had joined In as well.

"Y-you!...S-shut-up the awesome me Is totally awesome!" I snorted "yeah whatever you say Gaybert," France then started to turn blue from laughing to hard.

"H-hey the awesome me Is not gay!" I snorted again. "Oh yeah how's that?" He glared at me, then started thinking. "As soon as I woke up I put the moves on you..!" I furrowed my eyebrows "How does that prove your not gay?"

Then he looked confused "cause your a girl..," I gaped then I looked to france "And you, what do I look like to you?" He smirked "You look like a buetiful young lady~." Just then Russia walked down the stairs.

"R-russia...do I look like a girl or boy to you?" He smiled smally at me "You are a very pretty lady, Da?" I shook my head.

"I. AM. NOT. A. GIRL!" I yelled. They all looked surprised, then Prussia made his way over, and snaked an arm around my waist, and proclaimed "That's even better right boys?"

"Ohonhonhon."

"Da, very good."

"Kesesesese."

I blushed like mad then shoved Prussia away from me. "Yeah, yeah whatever, Gaybert." He snorted, and I went up-stairs to change. I threw off my pants and boxers, then changed Into a different pair of boxers, and was about to get a shirt when I heard.

"Kesesesese, I like the red underwear." I blushed, flustered. "G-get the fuck out of here you Mofo rapist!" I yelled, and kicked him out of my room, god I needed to get locks on these doors.

I put on some pants then threw on a random shirt, and came back downstairs. France, and Prussia were sitting on the couch discussing something, god knows I didn't want to know, and Russia was sitting alone with a small smile on his face watching them.

Just then Gilbert glanced up at me "Kesesesesese I like your shirt." I glanced down at the shirt, which I realized was a Hetalia shirt.

That had a picture of Prussia on It.

And said,

'I'm too awwesome for my own good.'

I groaned, then tried to take the shirt off, but was stopped by Russia. "Now Is not a good time to strip, especially with them here," he pointed to the two sitting on the couch, who seemed to have dropped their conversation In favor of seeing me shirtless.

I pulled my shirt back down In a huff, which earned a few disappointed 'Un-awesome's, and over dramatic 'Awww's' from the couch.

just then all hell broke loose.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

I groaned, then went to the front door. I jerked It open, and guess who It was.

"Whaddya want?" I groaned, I was tired. "I have another delivery for you, Miss...," I fumed "I'm not a girl you half assed git!" He looked surprised, then nodded In understanding.

"Right, anyway we're sorry, but we shipped you, Russia Instead of england again, then we tried to fix It, but then we sent France, so as to say we're sorry, we're going to give you to them for free, and get the thing right this time."

"Damn right you are..," I grumbled. He then pointed to the box behind him. "Woah, woah, woah, I want to see the Manual first," I grumbled. He handed me the Manual, and sure enough It said:

**ARTHUR KIRKLAND : USER GUIDE, AND MANUAL**

I smiled, convinced. I signed for the thing then the deliver guy placed It In the house, and left. I chuckled as I stared at the box. Which madde all the nations In the house pay attention to me.

Gilbert sauntered over to me "Who'd we get?" He asked. I hugged the box, and yelled "Finally!" Getting confused stares from the rest of the people In the house. I eagerly read the way to activate him.

I giggled, and decided on the singing 'saving grace' I cleared my throat I was a good singer.

'Night, and day~'

'I seek your face~.'

'Long for you~'

'In the secret place~.'

Afterawhile nothing happened, I got confused, as would a normal person. I then looked at the trouble-shooting section, and paled. Then I decided to try singing something else.

'Though you see me, now a mere ghost of a man'

'I once had the heart of a lion, commanded my ship between many a shore'

'the ol' jolly roger a flyin'

Just the the box started shaking then It exploded. No I mean _exploded._ Like pieces of wood _everywhere._

And can you guess who was standing closet to the crate like an Idiot? Yeah you guessed right me. It was a miracle nothing hit me at all. Now can you guess who was In the crate, yeah I know FML.

"Ar' which one of ye' land lumbers disturbed me' slumber?" Yeah we got Pirate England. Everyone _run like bloody hell!_ Everyone pointed to me, and I gulped "You assholes," I hissed."I'm going to kill you all."

Pirate England then looked over to me, and smirked. Oh jesus I didn't like that look. He walked over to me then pinned me against the wall. "Oi, lass why'd you go, and wake me up that wasn't very nice of you..," He trailed off.

"I don't really fucking care If It were nice or not your not the one I wanted, _con_," I hissed. He glared, and ripped something from his waist, and suddenly I felt something sharp against my neck.

"Such harsh words, comin' from such a pretty lass," he muttered. My eyes widen the I yelled, and gripped the blade, feeling blood run down my arm then threw the thing halfway across the room. This surprised the damned Pirate, so I took that surprise to my advantage, and punched him across the face hard.

He fell to the ground, and I climbed on top of him, and leaned down close to his ear "I'm not a girl you fucking Git!" I screamed In his ear, the punched him again knocking him out.

I looked up panting heavily "And that's that..," I looked down at the passed out Pirate "Hey can one of you help get him on the couch?" Russia walked over, and helped me prop him up on the couch.

I looked down at my hand, and winced there was a giant red stained gash on my arm. Suddenly I felt someone grab my arm, which I yanked away, and hissed "Don't touch me," I looked up to see a confused Gilbert, and a worried France.

"What happened to you?" Muttered France. I looked at him blanky then cracked a smile "Heh I guess I should get this thing bandaged huh?" I pointed to the kitchen "The First-aid-kit's on top of the Refrigerator," I muttered to France, who nodded and left to go get It.

I plopped down on the couch next to the Un-concious Pirate, I couldn't help but stare, when he was asleep he looked just like Iggy. I sighed, It seems like the whole world Is against me getting what I want.

Gilbert plopped down next to me. I looked over at him, and chuckled "Seems as though, they sent me the person, but not the personality..," I glanced down at my hand just a France came back.

"Mon Cheri~ I am back, now let me see your arm~"I rolled my eyes, but still gave him my arm anyway. I winced as he applied rubbing alcohol to the cut, then put some Anit-biotics on It, then wrapped It In gauze.

I looked down at my hand, and sighed "Great, ain't this a bitch now I won't be able to use this for a couple' a weeks..," I trailed of, but looked up at France "Thank you, Francis." I replied smiling.

"Oui, you are quiet welcome, Mon Cheri~," I looked down blushing, "D-don't call me that alright..," I played with the gauze. "Well, what should I call you?" Then apparently It was Gilbert's turn to speak "Hey, yeah I don't know your, Un-awesome name yet either..," he muttered then Ivan's turn.

"Da, what Is your name?" I looked down. _Huh I haven't told any of themmy name yet..._ "Oh, my name Is-"

Just them Pirate england started to stir. "U-ugh, were I be?" He muttered looking around the room. I sighed, "You're In my house, on my couch, sleeping, because I knocked you out, cause you were being a dick." Gilbert giggled a little.

"Y-yeah, the Un-awesome, you feinted like a little girl." I glared at him that made him shut-up. "H-huh, no one can knock _the_ Captain Kirkland out I've fought many' a battle, with just me' bare fists."

I rolled my eyes "Yeah, to bad the guys you were fighting were 10 and 11..," I muttered to myself, but of course Gilbert heard me, and started laughing his head off. In which I started laughing as well, because, well damn If laughter ain't contagious.

"I guess I really should tell you guys my name huh?" I said. Everyone turned to look at me "It's-.

I got cut off by england tackling me to the ground, 'Ooof!' was all I could say. I looked up he was smiling while stradiling me, god I hate that creepy smirk. "Alright, lass why don't we take a look at your up-stairs hm?" I struggling "N-no..," "H-hey..Stop It!"

He tugged my shirt up, revailing my ghostly pale chest, and my slightly sculpted stomach. I turned my head to the side embarassed. "There, happy you saw now get off me..," suddenly I felt a hand on my stomach.

I looked to see that It was the bastard Pirate on top of me. "Your pretty pale, to you never go out In the sun?" I let out a growl deep In my throat, then started to buck my hips, trying to get him off.

"Don't fucking touch me you got damned Booty hunter!" I yelled, finally getting the dumbass off of me. I sat up, and pulled my shirt down. "I don't like being touched against my will...you better respect that or else we're going to have a problem comprende?"

I glared at him. He glared back then smirked "al' ight , I'll respect your wishing, how' bout ya'll lads?" He looked to everyone else.

"Da,"

"Oui,"

"The awesome me will agree,"

I sighed, the sat back on the couch. I was bored, and tired. "Hey are you guys tired at all?" I recieved a chorus's of agreement. I sighed, and got up "Okay France, Prussia, England, come with me, they followed.

I led, them up to the second floors of stairs, I pointed to the first door on the right "That's your room France, go get your stuff, and get situated..," I mumbled, and left man on his own.

I went up to the third floor, and pointed to the door to the right of mine. "England, that's your room, get your shit, and shut the fuck up," I muttered recieving a laugh from Prussia.

I pointed to the room to the left of mine. "Prussia, that's you awesome room, now I'll leave you alone to be, awesome with your only friend Gilbird, by the way your so totally _awesome_," I muttered my voice thick with sarcasm.

"Hey!" I grumbled, and went back down stairs to were Russia was sitting on the couch watching something random. I blinked a few times, then shrugged, and walked over to him then plopped down on his lap.

"What are you doing?" I heard from him the grumbled. "It Is cold were you come from, yes?" I said to him. "Da," he replied, I looked at him. "Then you should know the Importance of maintaining body heat when It Is cold, yes?" "Da," he said again.

"Good then I shouldn't have to explain myself," I mumbled then he seemed to get It.

I had a narsisstic, perverted, albino, a Perverted, flashy French man, and an senile Pirate. Along with a sadistic, Russian that I'm currently sitting on. Yeah my life couldn't get anymore normal.


	4. Yay! hot stupors, and Bitchy Wifeys

**Authro's Note:** Hey guyz, wazzup, so this Is chappie 4 I started this one on 7/7/2012 at 5:58 AM I know right so early well I keep readin stupid manga, and watching Anime so much that I keep getting Inspired so here It goes, I hope you enjoying the story so far. I don't know If this has a plot or not, probably not.

Chapter 4 - Shut your stupid mouth, and go to bed damn you!

BEEP. BEEEP. BEEEEEPPPP. BEEEEEPPPPPP-SMACK! I grunted, fucking morning already? I tried to move, but I couldn't move any part of my body. I opened my eyes, and looked around, to my left a snoring Prussian, to my right a drooling Frenchmen.

I grumbled, not a good day. I tried to move, unsucessfully, I grunted "H-hey..," my voice came out softly, I frowned then cleared my throat. "Oi, GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY PERVERTS!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Wah..?" I heard from my left, "W-what Is It Mon cheri?" from my right. I grumbled "Get...off...now..," I said darkly. They got off eventually, I sat up and blushed. "C-could...you two...um..," I mumbled shakily.

"Kesesesesese...sure,"

"Ohonhonhonhon...of course Mon cheri..,"

They both left, and I sighed as I got out of bed, the only thing I had on was a pair of black boxers. I suppose your wondering what happened, after I sat down on Russia's lap? Well afterwards I got up, and went to bed.

BY MYSELF!

Fucking perverts are everywhere I turn. I put on my favorite, grey and black stiped shirt, and black pants. I opened my door, only to be met by the same two from before. Then I remembered they were In bed with me this morning.

"Why, were you two In my bed this morning?" I grumbled sleepily. They both looked at each other, then back at me. "I wanted to sleep In your bed again, and France tagged along," Prussia explained hastily.

I grumbled, then went down stairs, with the two of them In tow. I staggered Into the kitchen, and grumbled again. I turned around then looked at France."Alright, Francy-pants...you get to cook breakfast today.."

"Merci bercoupe Mon cheri," He smiled. I grumbled again In response. Then went Into the living room, and plopped down on the couch stomach first. "Kesesesese...still tired?" Dralled the ever so annoying voice.

"Mhhmmm..," I moaned In response. Then shifted, and yelped In pain. I looked down to see my hand bandaged up, oh right phsychotic pirate up stairs.

I stood up, and walked up stairs. _Might as well wake them up_. I sighed, and knocked on the booty hunters door. "Oi, dumbass wake up!" I yelled through the door, which I got a loud 'Thud' In response a couple grumbles, and finally he opened the door.

Naked.

Naked?

Naked.

My eyes widened as my hands smacked against my eyes "OMG, MY VIRGIN EYES!" I screamed running down stairs, I ran Into the living room, and Prussia gave me the most hilarious 'WTF?' face that I unfortuantely couldn't laugh at.

"Pirate...sword...ugh...disgusting..," I mumbled. I shook off the shock, and went back up stairs I still had to wake up the Russian. I knocked on his door which he opened, fully clothed, mind you yes some people are sane In the world, and sleep _In _clothes.

"H-hey Ivan, France Is cooking breakfast, so be down stairs soon, okay?" He looked at me then replied "Da," and shut the door. I sighed, and went down stairs only to walk past the damned, annoying Pirate, he looked at me and smirked.

I blushed, then furrowed my eyebrows and stomped down stairs. I went to the front door, and checked the out side thermastat. _It was 90o outside!_ Well It was cold awhile ago, but that was January.

It was close to May now, fucking early summers. "I'm going to kill that fucking gopher!" I yelled as I walked Into the living room. Prussia looked up then back down again realizing It was just me being me again.

I sighed, and sat down on the couch next to him "It's 90o outside today..," I mumbled to him. He looked up "Really?" He asked, I nodded "It's going to get hot, really fast..," I grumbled then growled In my throat.

"I fucking hate summer, It's such a stupid season, why do we even have It?" I asked, _rehtorichaly_. He laughed, I grumbled. Then I heard right next to my ear.

"How hot love?" God that voice was so _seductive_. I felt an arm wrap around my waist, and a form plop down right next to me. I grumbled, and crossed my legs "Keep It In your pants, butt pirate," I heard a growl next to me.

Then a hand wrapped around my chin, and he crashed his lips against mine. I sputtered, and pushed him away. I rubbed my mouth, and spit on the floor. "God damnit! how many times do I have to say NO FUCKING SEXUAL HARASSMENT!" I screamed. Then France came out of the kitchen.

"Mon cheri, no yelling please plus breakfast Is ready..," I grumbled, and crossed my arms. "Hey you know your blushing like crazy," Prussia mumbled as he walked past. "I-," _WHAT THE FUCK! just cause he looks like england doesn't mean he Is get ahold of yourself._

I sighed, and slowly felt my face heating down. "I told you It's hot outside of course my face Is flushed..," I heard laughter next to me, and glared at the chuckling Pirate, "Yeah keep telling yourself that..." He trailed off probably wanting my name.

"Oh my name Is-," I got caught off.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

"Mother fucking, son of a bitch!" I yelled walking/running towards the door. I grabbed the handle, and slammed the door open. "Yes...?" I mumbled. The guy on my doorstep this time looked like, and extremely pissed off person, In other words he looked like Sweden.

"Yes, I have a dilivery here for you..," he mumbled. I signed for It "Of course..," he wheeled It In, and set It down then went to leave. "Good luck..," he mumbled. I felt tears flowing down my face "Thank you..," I sniffed, and shut the door.

I looked at the Manuel, and groaned. "Why do I have to always get the fucking lunatics?" I grumbled. I walked over to the box, and Un-locked It. I walked over to the Grand Piano. I cracked my knuckles, and began to play Ode to joy.

After awhile, I felt a weight sit down next to me. I stopped playing, and turned to the person sitting next to me: Austria. "Oh no, keep playing don't mind me..," He muttered. I smiled "No It's quiet alright, I have to show you to your room anyway..," I said In my best Canada voice.

I went up to his box, and grabbed his stuff. "This way please..," I pointed to the stairs. He walked up them, and I followed, I gave him the room a couple away from Ivan's. I opened the door "This will be your room I hope you like It..," I said, as I laid his stuff down on the bed.

"Oh, yes thank you.,," He muttered, I smiled "Your quiet welcome..come down when you can I'm sure breakfast has to be ready by now..," I stated quietly. I walked out, and down the stairs quietly. I looked around, and saw all the Units were staring at me "What..," I breathed, Gilbert was the first to speak.

"Your actually nice..," he muttered I fumed "Yeah to _sane_ people..." Everyone looked shocked, and over dramatic. I went Into the kitchen, to find breakfast still not done. "Hey francy pants wanna explain to me why breakfast Is still not done?" He opened to his mouth to respond, but I Interrupted.

"Nevermind I'll just make It..," I went back Into the kitchen, got some bread, eggs, milk, and butter. To make FRENCH TOAST like a boss.

Time skip

I finished making the french toast rather quickly I was making everyone's plate, and putting powdered sugar on each, then maple syrup. "Breakfast's ready!" I shouted. Everyone filed Into the kitchen, and sat down at the kitchen table. I gave everyone their respective plates, and quitely ate my own when.

"Oh wow! This Is Tre manific!"

"Yeah, this Is awesome, but not as awesome as me!"

"Da, It Is very delicous."

"Aye, Tis' a fine meal."

"Ya, this Is very good."

I sighed "What did you guys think I was a bad cook?" Prussia once again replied for all of them "Yeah, actually since your like Iggy's fanboy and all that." I gaped "Hey, I don't think his cooking Is that bad you guys exaggerate to much." "Aye' thank you first mate," I grumbled "I'm not talking about you booty hunter..," I mumbled.

I earned a laugh from Gil. "Anyways, I don't cook often..," I muttered. "Why Is that Mon cheri~," I sighed "I just don't you bloody frog..," I hissed. I stomped out of the kitchen placing my plate In the sink. I plopped down on the couach, and turned on the T.V., and flipped the channels to the Ricky Gervais Show.

"I love this show..," I said Immitating Gir's voice. After awhile I felt, a body plop down next to me, said body I reconized as Gil's. I grumbled, and scratched my arm It was getting hot, and the long sleeve's were _not_ helping, but the good television was. It was a marathon. They were playing my favorite episode the one with the rich guy with white pants.

It was playing the funny ending as well, as soon as It got to the end, I couldn't hold back anymore. I started laughing my ass off, I clutched my stomach as I fell on the floor. Suddenly my breathing hitched, and I started coughing. I finally stopped, and looked up.

All the Units were giving me an odd look. "What?" I croaked "It was funny...," Gil once again spoke for everyonen "That laugh was creepy..,". I huffed, just then Ivan spoke up "I like It..," No-one was surprised at that one. "Mon cheri I think that was the first time we heard you laugh.

I shrugged "I don't laugh often...ugh," I gripped my shirt. "Why does It have to be so fucking during summer!" I yelled, standing up. I threw off my shirt, and pants. Then sighed, and walked to the kitchen "Much better.."

I reached Into to grab a coke from the top shelf. I opened the tab, and chugged It, after I was done I crushed the can, and threw It In the trash can LIKE A BOSS. I got another one, and sipped It when I felt a cold hand on my side. I jumped "Ah cold, cold hands..," I glared at who touched me which happened to be France.

"Ah, you skin Is so soft, and such a beautiful shade of Ivory...and warm to~," he praised. I sighed, and crossed my arms "Gtfo, frog," I grumbled, then walked back Into the living room. "I like the black boxers Kesesesese."

"Shut-up, sausage lover..," I got a l choked back laugh from Ivan surprisingly. I went up-stairs to my room, and jumped on my bed, grateful for the soft, and cold goose down blankets. I heard a soft pitter patter of feet, then Luna hopped up on my bed.

"H-hey, I thought I lost you Luna!" I exclaimed as I hugged the weird cat. "Meow..," I giggled "I know right!...I feel bad for you with that black coat, your probably burning up. "Meow..," I chuckled. "Yeah, I know why don't you lay down with me for awhile, and cool off?" "Meow..," I placed Luna down next to me.

I reached over to my night stand, and picked up my Ipod, picked some random song, as I plugged In my earphones zoning out. I think I fell asleep, but I felt soft fur next to me so I was reassured. I nodded off, I woke up when an aerosmith song started playing. I shut off the Ipod quickly.

I looked around I was alone In my bed, good sign. I yawned, and stretched and got up then threw on a black T-shirt, and black Knee length shorts. I walked out and yawned with a content :3 smile on my face. I stretched and heard my joints crack. I got to the stairs, and groaned.

I sat down, and curled up against the post, and just sat there. "What are you doing?" I grumbled, and swated at then annoying Austrian. "I said what are you doing?" I sat up, and decided to have a little fun, I looked at him, and rubbed my eye cutely while yawning like a cat. I smiled at him "Mew..."

"Come one quit joking around..," I looked at him confused and mewed again. He started freaking out "Don't tell me you turned Into a cat somehow. Just then Prussia came up the stairs "what are you doing Roderich?" He pointed to me "Somehow he turned Into a cat!" Prussia looked at me.

"What Is he talking about?" I shrugged, I was already up even before Prussia started up the stairs "Beats me he was muttering something about a cat..," I walked down stairs proud of the mind fuck I just gave Austria. I sighed while I was walking down the stairs, when suddenly my ringtone of 'Babire girl' sounding off from my back pocket.

"Yes?" I mumbled. "Hey how you doing?" I sputtered realizing who It was. "Oi why the fuck are you calling me fucktard?" I muttered Into the phone. "Hey I am not, anyway I'm coming over!" I moaned/whined "Nooooo you caaaan't!" "Shut It biznitch I'm comin' over!" I moaned/whined again.

"Buuuuutttt It's noooootttt faaaairrrr!" she grumbled on the other line "I'm comin' over deal with It wifey!" I grumbled "what?..But Britney...noooooo!" I yelled. She hung up before I couls say the nooooo! I grumbled, and put the phone back Into my pocket.

"Who was that?" I turned around, and did _not_ scream like a girl. It was just Gilbert I sighed "No one Important, but don't tell her I said that or she'll kill me..," His face Immiadately brightned. "A girl...really!" I lowered my hands down from the protective spots "Relax she has a boy-friend..," He face Immiadately fell.

I laughed "Oh come on Gil, don't look so down you still have me, and all your brothers!" I cheered, he grumbled and walked by me. While I tried to figure out how I was going to explain to Britney how I had 5 guys licing with me.


	5. I fucking hate your mom jokes!

**Author's Note: **Hey guys I started this one 7/12/12 I hope you enjoy It, and my new character Britney Is based on a real friend In my life how you like her!

Chapter 4 - I fucking hate your mom, and he said she said jokes!

I groaned, and plopped down on the sofa. I didn't care what happened or about anything at this point. I sighed, and slumped down on the floor, I was so tired all the time...maybe Britney coming over won't be such a bad thing? No I need to stop thinking like that, everyone around me Is jsut here by mistake, they don't really like me.

I need to remember that, I need to remember. Mom said I needed to remember. I need to remember...

-Flashback-

_"Hey, mommy when's daddy coming home?" I asked, while fiddling with my black jacket. We'd just come home from somewhere, and I hadn't seen daddy In awhile. My mother looked at me, and started crying._

_I was Instantly concerned. I ran over "Don't crry, mommy," I said sniffiling. "Come on, you'll feel better when daddy come's back," I tugged on her hand. She slapped my hand away. "Don't touch me you vile little child!"_

_***SMACK***_

_She hit me. "None of this would've happened If It wasn't for you, you vile, disgusting, little disappointment!" Mommy was yelling again, I didn't like It when she yells. "He's dead because of you, you know he's never coming back, and It's because of you!"_

_She kicked me down to the ground. She kept kicking me, yelling "No one loves you! no one likes you everyone around you Dies! Everyone around you Dies! God help anyone who becomes friends with you! They'd probably all hate you anyway!"_

_She was right, I never made any friends at school, everyone hated me. I felt the burning stares at my back, and the hateful whispers. I would get beaten up, on a daily basis. I was sent to a guidance counseler. He told me I should buck up a little teasin here, and there wasn't so bad._

_He rubs his hands all over, I would let him. He was so nice, I had to repay him with something. I did everything he said. I thought he liked me, he hated me too, he started to beat me. I remember how alone I felt. How the dread, and hatred would catch me like hooks._

_They'd drag me down the never ending hole of despair, and never let go. I never told anyone that Is until Britney came along. She was so nice, and kept talking to me even when I told her she shouldn't. I told her everything, she would smile and hug me, and say "It's alright, I won't leave you I really like you..,"_

_I smiled, that was the first time anyone said that to me. Everyone hated me, everyone loathed me, my mother killed her-self, and left a note saying how much she hated me, how much everyone else hated me, how much my father hated me, and that's why he killed him-self. I felt so alone._

_There were times when Britney wasn't even enough, I can't count how many times she had to wrestle, a bottle of pills from me, or a razor, or a gun. I went to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. She was with me through all of It. She was my friend through all of It. She liked me, she was there, she's my best friend._

"Hey, Hey!...wake up, someone's at the door..," I blinked and looked up. Gil was there along with the other Units all crowded around me. They all had concerned looks on their faces, I laughed "What you guys can open a door now?" I smiled, and got up.

I walked over to the door "I'll get It!" I opened the door. I was Immiadately tackle glomped. "B-britney!" I sputtered she laughed "The one, and only," shegot off of me, and helped me up. "Who else would It be?" she asked I laughed again.

"I don't know...maybe?" I looked at her, and she got what I wanted her to say. "Your mom?" I laughed pretty hard at that one. She tried to walk further Into the house, but I stopped her "Uh, Heheheh, before you go In there, I have to tell you something..," she looked at me oddly, and I told her the whole story.

She placed her hands on my shoulders "I feel so sorry for you man!" She had twin tear trails running down from her eyes. I grinned, and laughed "Thanks, man...hey what's that?" I aksed pointing to the 2 white grocery store bags sitting on the floor. She smiled at me, and replied "Beer, the german kind too."

"_**BEER!**__**"**_ I tackled her, and hugged her tightly. I let out a squeal despite myself "**OMG BRITNEY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"** I grabbed the beer, and ran Into the kitchen. I took out 3 cans, and chugged 2, and was sipping on the third one. I ran Into the living room, where Britney was sitting on the couch.

Time to get the calvery together. "Hey Prussia, get the guys together drinking party time!" I yelled up stairs, followed by several crashing and loud bangs before everyone came downstairs. I stared at Britney "You got more alcohol right?" I laughed nervously. She nodded "Yeah I went all out I even got a ton of wine, and vodka, and rum oh! and can't forget whiskey! but don't worry I used that card you gave me to use for emergencies!"

I kissed her cheeks "I really love you wifey!" I said, with twin tear trails running down my cheeks. I ran out the door, and grabbed all the alcohol I could carry which was all of It and ran back Inside. I went Into the kitchen where everyone was gathered exictedly. I dropped the alcohol on the table.

I looked over and saw France talking to Britney, jealous Instantly flared. I marched over and slid my arm over Britney's shoulders. "Hey Francey pants, just so you know Wifey's mine, and mine only got It?" I growled. He backed away, and I turned and grinned at Britney "No flirting with any of them got? I don't trust them as much as I trust a prime rib steak with a starving great dane."

"O-okay," she said nervoulsy, I walked over to the beer, and grabbed a couple. I chugged both of them In no time flat, then grabbed like four more. I giggled already starting to get a little buzzed. "Yo, Britney!" I yelledto her. She looked up "No drinking your underage!" I yelled. She groaned "Your such a spoil sport," I laughed "Yeah, but your still not drinking!"

I chugged the beer I was holding. I laughed this was going to be a fun night!

-Time skip-

"Hey Gil~~~~~!" I yelled while plopping down on his lap. He looked over to me, we were so drunk right now It wasn't even funny. "Ja?" I snorted. "Dude, you do realize that you sound like a gay swiss guy when you say that right?" I laughed. "It's like Poland, and switzerland had a baby!" I burst In another fit of giggles.

I hopped off his lap, while he was still petrified In shock at what I just said. I jumped up on the table, chuggin the beer I had In my hand. "Hey who wants to sing drinking songs next!" I shouted everyone cheered, and I smiled. "Alright, so here goes!" I thought for a moment before smirking.

"Where have all the pretty girls gone? The Beer's all gone, and the rum Is to!"

"I sit around with my drinking buddies, wondering what I'm gonna do!"

"I'm down to 3 blanks, and I don't think I wanna play anymore!"

"This Is most definately a stupid game! But hey what the hell!"

"Yeah, what the hell! What the hell!"

I yelled It at the top of my lungs smiling to my self, when everyone else joined In. I left them singing In the kitchen, as I wandered outside for some fresh air. I realized It was snowing, I laughed as I fell backwards Into the snow. I heard the sliding door open. I looked up, and It was Russia.

"Oh hello old friend wazzup!" I yelled at the tall guy. He smiled down at me, I laughed. "You act just like the American when he gets drunk, comerade," my smiled faltered a bit. "Y-yeah my dad was america, and my mum was english..," I trailed off. I sighed, and patted the ground next to me.

"Come on, and sit with me the snow Is so cold and calming...," I trailed off but smiled again when I saw him comply to what I asked of him. "You know...It's been a long time since I've been this happy.." I looked over at the Russian sitting next to me. "It Is nice to have friends like this huh?"

He smiled back at me I sighed content, while staring at the sky. I couldn't help It I stuck my tongue out to catch falling snowflakes. I heard a chuckle next to me, and stuck my tongue back In, In embarassment. I turned to him "You guys like It here right?" I asked tentalively.

"Da, It Is very nice and homey here, I like It..," I smiled. _Good they liked being here..that's good._ "Um, do you like me?" I asked again. He smiled "I'm sure everyone likes you very much..," I sighed "That's good then.." I laughed, and sat up "Hey want to do something fun?" He sat up as well Interested "Da, what are you planning comerade?"

-Time skip-

"Okay now time to commense, snow drift phase 1 alpha omega..," I whispered to Russia. I opened the sliding door. "Ready one, two, three!" We both ran through the quickly and quietly everyone was In the kitchen still singing and having a ball. I looked over to Russia, and nodded he would take Francis, Britney, and Austria. I would take Pirate England, and Prussia.

I chuckled to my self this was going to be so awesome! I went up behind The pirate, and Prussia, quietly. And Russia crept up behind thee other 3 quietly as well. I looked at Russia, and smirked "_Now.._" I shoved a whole buch of snow down Prussia's, and Captain Kirkland's back.

While Russia did the exact same thing. We both ran out of the room laughing maniaclly.

"Ah good god that's cold!" that was Austria.

"AHHH! someone, get the ice fairy off me' back!" Definately Pirate England.

"Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!" That was Britney.

We heard loud banging, and crashing and what sounded like very loud curses In german. Prussia.

"Oh mon deui! some one help me! my back Is freezing!" I giggled Francis.

I looked over at Russia, and high-fived him "Death to the warm bloods!" I shouted at the top of my lungs Into the kitchen. Manical laughter soon following after It. We were rolling on the floor laughing well I was for sure anyway. I stopped though, when I felt a tentative poke at my side.

I opened my eyes, and saw that Russia was the one that poked me. I looked up and saw Medusa, and four very pissed nations. I giggled nervously "Cool enough for ya?" I chuckled. Everyone just glared "Seriously ma, totally not awesome." "Oh come on Gil your just mad because you weren't In on It.."

"Shut-up of course the awesome me didn't want any part In It!" I laughed, and wrapped my arms around his neck "Aw come one Gil why you so mad at me huh? I tell you what I'll give you a kiss If you forgive me~," I laughed. "What how will that make me le-.

I cut him off my kissing him quickly on the lips "There now quit being such a spoil sport, and come on I still need my drinking buddy.." He blushed, and nodded then left with me to go In the kitchen.

-Time skip-

BEEP. BEEEP. BEEEEP. BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEE- SMACK! "Ow, ow, ow, ow head hurts...ow!" I yelped In pain when I tried to move. I looked down not only was Prussia, and France In bed with me but also was Wifey. And they were heeeeaaaaavvvvvyyyyy! I pushed them off me, and got up.

I looked down, great I slept In my clothes. I grumbled, and wandered down stairs tired. I tripped over something at the foot of the stairs though. I moaned, and looked to see what I tripped over. Then I realized It wasn't a matter of 'what' rather a matter of 'who' I tripped over as I stared Into an Angry, hungover, Austrian.

"O-oh...sorry Roderich, I didn't see you there..," I muttered while laughing. I helped him up, and sighed. I was so tired, and my head hurt. "Hey, did you feel as bad as me?" I asked. He nodded "Yeah, that was one hell of a party you threw last night.." I chuckled.

"Yes, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," I laughed again.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

I turned to the door horror written all over my face "No..,"

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

I moaned and groaned as I trudged up to the door. I opened It "Yes...?" I yawned. Oh great, another one. I opened my eyes to inspect the new delivery man. I immiadately regretted It, he was scary almost as scary as Sweden. I yelped, and hid behind the door. He handed me the signy thingy.

I took It reluctantly, and signed It then he wheeled the Unit In, and turned around to leave, but paused. "Good luck with that one your going to need It..," he sighed and left shutting the door. I groaned, why did thing have to go from bad to worse all the fucking time? I yawned to early for this.

I picked up the manual:

**ALFRED F. JONES: USER QUIDE, AND MANUAL**

I groaned deeper this time. "Oi, why the fuck did we have to get the bloody Fucktard?" I jumped as the box splintered to pieces. "Hey Iggy Is that you!" The voice shouted at me I sputtered, and flew to the back of the wall.

"Dude, so not cool you do not freak people out like that!" I yelled at the stupid American. He smiled "Oh hey, you not Iggy, then who are you?" I gulped. "I'm-

"Oi, why the hell are you here' lad?"

GREAT, now I can add stupid American to the list of cultural misfits living In my home.


	6. Dude It really wasn't that scary

**Author's Note: **Hey dudes whats up! Anyway, I really loving the story so far I hope you enjoy this I'm beginning this at 7/13/12 1:01 PM. I hope you enjoy It!

Chapter 6 - Dude It wasn't really that scary.

I sighed, and stared up at the American. _This Is going to be a long day. _I grabbed the guys stuff, and walked up the stairs. "Oi, fucktard come on I have to show you to your room..," I muttered. He stopped In his tyraid of how he was the hero, and looked to me. "Oh hey, yeah sure..."

I sighed again, _a __**long**__ day. _I trudged up the stairs, this Is so going to be a long day..."Hey you, you act a lot like Iggy..." I groaned "Yeah, yeah whatever just don't give me a stupid nickname too got It?" He nodded "Y-yeah...geez your scary like him too...," I turned my heard "What was that?"

"U-uh nothing man." I shrugged, oh we finally arrived to his room, I gave him the room In between, Russia's and Austria's, heh bastard deserves It for deserting my Iggy. "Here's your room, don't try to mess anything up got It?" He nodded, and I opened the door then placed his stuff on the bed.

His room, Is mainly made of red, white, and blue colors. I swear his eyes literally sparkled when he saw the room. "Dude, this place Is totally awesom!" I grinned "Glad you like It, anyway I'm going to go watch a movie with wifey..," That got his attention "What kind of movie?"

I groaned, why did I have to get him? "It's the Twilight zone movie...," His eyes brightened even more...damn sparkly vampires. "Oh cool dude I totally want to watch!" My eyebrow twitched. "Alright on one conditon...," I trailed off to make sure he was following when he nodded I continued.

"You no touch MY Wifey got It?" I growled. "O-okay...sure no problem..," he mumbled. I sighed, and went down stairs, with America In tow. I plopped down next to wifey as she was watching the movie. I felt America next to me, and smiled. I wrapped my arm around Britney's shoulders.

I leant against her while nuzziling my head Into her shoulder. "Hey, dude stop It..," I smiled "Nooooo, Britney's to comfortable..." She groaned and tried to move away. I grumbled, and pressed my-self closer, but she was having none of It, and gave me a Maaka chop On my head.

I huffed "Fine, If Britney doesn't want to cuddle I'll just cuddle Alfred..," I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and leaned against him nuzziling his shoulder. I sighed, and closed my eyes. "U-uh Dude?" I moaned, and opened one eye lazily. "No...I will not stop what I'm doing...nor will I move even a tiny bit.

He pouted, and I closed my eyes again. I sat up and harumphed, I wasn't confortable. I stood up and plopped down In America's lap he yelped. I slid my arms under his bomber jacket, and pressed my head Into his chest, and purred. I quickly fell asleep.

Britney's POV

"Hey, Is he always like this?" America asked me quitely. I sighed then smiled "He's always prone to getting his own way, so yeah he's always been like that..," I stared at him and tsked. "Little leech he Is, he's so cold blooded he's never warm enough."

Just them he smirked In his sleep then burrowed his head deeper Into America's chest, and muttered something like 'ahh~ so warm'. Just then practically everyone came downstairs, and noticed the little snake burrowing Into America's chest. They all had a comment on the situation as well.

"Oh, Le petit Cheri Is curled up Into America's chest I'm jealous..,"

"Kesesesesese, so not Awesome I should have been down here sooner I wanted to cuddle...,"

"Ah, Comerade Is rather cute when he Is asleep...capitalist pig..,"

"Ar, Al' when you'd become such the player..,"

"That Is highly Un digified, but he Is pretty cute...,"

They all huddled around, my friend. I sighed that's just like him to gather an audience. I saw America blush when the little snake burrowed deeper Into his chest at all the disturbing sound. I sighed "Hey guys, he's sleeping shhhhh..," I put a finger to my mouth, and shushed them.

I sighed again just as the little snake was waking up.

Back to his POV

I grumbled, and tried to burrow deeper Into America's chest but the stupid voicing wouldn't shut-up. I growled loudly, and raised my head _so sleeply_. I stared up at America, I yawned cutely, and stared bleary eyed "Nii-chan?" I muttered with a squeak. My vision cleared, and I was staring Into bright blue eyes.

My eyebrows furrowed, I leaned In closer to America. He blushed, and I grumbled again then kissed him. I licked his lip, then backed away "No, It's just America...man I thought It was Nii-chan, but nooooo It had to be the capitalist pig..." I stood up, and promptly fell Into someone.

I grumbled again, then realized the rest of the Units were there as well. They were all staring at me with wide eyes. I looked back down at America, who hadn't moved at all since I kissed him. I looked back up at the rest of them, and moved my head back. "What?" That's when all hell broke loose.

"Mon Cheri, you shouldn't just kiss people like that, especially If you don't know who they are!"

"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol, The capitalist pig will pay for defiling my comerade..,"

"Yeah, dude I'm with France so not awesome..,"

"That was especially Un dignified...,"

"Ar' first mate, you shouldn't do that with anyone, but me of course...,"

I groaned, and cleared my expression. "Oh this coming from, the pervert frog," I pointed to France "They, booty hunter..," I pointed to the pirate "The In experienced aristocrat..," I pointed at Austria "And the creepy Russian...no offense Ivan even you weird me out from time to time.." Russia smiled "No offense taken Comerade kolkolkolkolkolkol~"

I apparently stunned everyone In silence, so I went up to France, and pecked him on the cheek. I strolled over to Pirate England, and pecked him on the cheek. I walked over to Ivan, and pecked him on the cheek. I walked over to Prussia and did the same thing. I walked over to Austria, and pecked him on the cheek.

I walked up the stairs with my hands In my pockets, laughing "None of you tatse as sweet as Nii-chan anyway, Goodnight...Oh Love you wifey~," "Love you too Husby" I walked up the rest of the stairs, and Into my room. Plopped down on the bed, and sighed I wondered If I would ever see Nii-chan again?

Britney's POV

"Love you too Husby~," I shouted gleefully up the stairs. I sighed, and looked at all of the stunned Nations. "Hey, are you guys alright It was just a peck on the cheek, still that cold blooded snake, gives good, good-night kisses If you get him drunk enough..~," I laughed under my breathe.

All the nations around me blushed furiously, and sputtered. The France decided to ask the Million dollar question. "Whose this Nii-chan of his anyway?" I sighed "So you guys caught that part huh?" Should I really tell them? I don't think Snakey will get mad at me.

"Nii-chan was a guy Husby dated In high-school..," I remembered that guy too. "He kinda looks like America...which explains the mix up..," I played with my hands, they were all staring at me now. "What was this Un-awesome guy like anyway?" Damn Albino Is perceptive.

"He was a shitty person..I really hated the guy..," I crossed my arms "All he ever did was use Husby for sex...he even beat him sometimes, I can't tell you how many times I've heard 'I love him so much...why does he keep hitting me?'..," I gripped my arms hard. "But no matter what I said or did...Snake boy really loved that guy he would just keep going back."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "One day the bastard finally up, and moved do you know what Snake boy did when he found out?...He fucking cried for weaks...kept muttering how 'I knew he hated me...but am I really so replusive that he'd just leave me!' It made me sick to my stomach to even hear him talk like that.."

Yeah, Snake boy Is just a puppy that's been kicked to many times, he craves human contact...I know that. "I'm glad you guys are here though, you know he's the most happy I've seen him In along time...I'm kinda jealous..," I looked up at them and laughed. When I opened my eyes, all of them had down cast faces.

They had shadows over their faces so It was really had to tell what they were thining. The first to move were America, France, and Prussia, they went up stairs. I sighed "You guys reallt care about Snake boy don't you?" I asked all of them they Immiadately responded.

"Of course my First mate means everything to me..,"

"Ya, he Is a very good friend...,"

"Comerade Is very close to my heart...,"

I grinned you really have some good friends Snake boy. Maybe even one of them has the potiential to be more than just your friend?

Back to his POV

I had just finally gotten asleep when, I got hit by 3 big weights. One wrapped his hands around my top, one wrapped around my waist, one wrapped around my legs. I 'mpmhed' In my sleep. I opened one sleepy eye. I figured out what the weights were France, Prussia, and America.

I swear they Idiots are gonna be the death of me...but I love 'em anyway. I sighed, and burrowed Into Prussia's neck.

-Next Day-

I yawned happily, and got up that day. If your wondering how I got up from the sweety mass of guys on me that morning. Easy, I pushed and sturggled my way out. I smirked, time for a rude awakening. I went downstairs, and found Wifey passed out on the couch. I shook her awake with a smirk on my face.

"What are you planning?" I put on a hurt face "Why wifey, I would never plan something this early In the morning I just wanted to wake up all my wonderful house guests..," my smirk widened. "Alright what are you gonna do?" I laughed darkly "I though my friends would enjoy my lovely choice In music, I was thinking 'Perfect area complete!'" This time she smikred along with me.

"I'm with you 100%..," I laughed, and walked over to my stereo, got the C.D. popped It In the player. I turned up the volume knob, as the Japanes pop music sang through the speakers I hummed along. The Aucustics In my house were amazing the sound reverberated everwhere!

I laughed, as I walked over to Wifey, and began twirling her around, as everyone woke up one by one. Their reactions were priceless!

"Oh mon diue, what Is that dreadful noise!" He tried to yell above the singer. Keyword tried.

"Oh so not awesome what the fuck Is that racket!" Prussia yelled. I sniggered, ah I love that Albino bastard.

"Ar' what the hell kind of witch craft Is this!" Pirate England yelled. Oh right they didn't have pop back then did they 'old man'.

"This Is highly undignified...!" Oh Roderich stiff up a lip old chap.

"Dude, so not cool This like hearts my ears..!" Mumbled/shouted America. I grinned He was cute when he was sleepy.

"...," Wow Russia's strangly quiet...wait a minute "Kolkolkolkolkol..," There It Is.

I sighed as the song ended, and stopped twirling Wifey around. I love my big Dysfunctional family. Just then, I knew I heard that somewhere before...

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

"Mother fucking, bitch, ass deliver guy, he can go suck some guy with syphillis's balls, I ain't fucking answerin' the fucking door!" I yelled, just then "Yes sir, ah yes I'll sign for It my friend Is tied up at the moment." I groaned "You traitor Britney...M-mutney I say MUTNEY!" I yelled at my friends face.

She threw a manual at my face. I groaned "Well played wifey, well played..," I mumbled, as I stared at the Manual. Which read, oh your gonna love this...

**FELICIANO VARGAS: USER GUIDE AND MANUAL**

"Great...," add pasta freak to that list as well.


	7. I love pasta, and sexual Inneundos

**Author's Note: **Hey guys me again I started this one 7/14/12 5:35 AM hope you enjoy It!

Chapter 7: I love pasta, and sexual Inuendos!

I groaned, and laughed at the same time. "Hehehehe, at least this one Is cute...," I muttered which made all the Units stop with a shocked expression. I rolled my eyes "What, I said you guys aren't cute, cute Is reserved for childish behavoir, your grown ass men, you guys fall under the sexy/attractive line, so get over It."

They all smiled, male pride restored, so now time to get It open. I cleared my throat, this wasn't going to be too hard.

"**OI, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME TOMATO BASTARD!" **

The box started shaking, then a few blows were made to the box. "Ow, the box Is to hard It's dark In here please let me out!" I smiled, and opened the box "Hello, are you alri-..," I stopped abruptly, the little kid before me had soft light red hair, and his eyes were closed. I stepped back.

I had a ginourmous blush on my face, It was on fire! I walked over to Britney eyes wide, my left eyebrow twitched a couple times. "I...too...too...just...cute..," I muttered before dropping on the couch.

"Oh great he's In flustered mode now...," Britney sighed. "Qui, what Is this 'Flustered mode' you are talking about Britney?" I laughed, he'd definately get mad at me for this. "Well, when Snake boy here sees something, completely, and utterly cute, he blushes like crazy and Is stunned for awhile.."

I looked over to the rather small man climbing out of the box. "Oh wow, now I see why he freaked out..," the kid was cute, so cute It shouuld be illegal. I looked back over at snake boy, he was still In flustered mode. The little kid walked over to him carefully.

"...U-um are you okay mister?" I blinked, and smiled. I picked up the little kid. "I'm fine, ll mio bambino...you are just so cute...," I smiled and hugged him close. "Thank you, Mia Madre...you are very pretty as well.." I squeaked and hugged him tighter. "So cute...oh I just love you Mio bambino~," I sang.

Britney's POV

I sighed at the cute diplay before me, Snake boy was always great with kids. Everyone of the Units seemed shocked by this. I looked at them, the albino kid decided to speak up first "Why Is he never like this?" I snorted, getting all of their attention. "You guys are cute little kids are you?..no Snake boy's always liked kids, especially when they're that cute."

They, didn't like this at all, apparently. "Hmph, fine If he wants to cuddle the Un-awesome kid then fine by me..," got a' love jealousy "Yar, If he likes that kid so much them let 'em be..," so much jealousy "Comerade Isn't very flippant with his feelings kolkolkolkol...," the jealousy level right now are so bad.

Britney stared as the Jealous symbols got bigger, and bigger. Then France approached the cuddle couple. "Excuse Moi, but are you going to cuddle Llittle Italy, all day long...?"

That's were It got weird...

Back to his POV

"Why France, are you perhaps jealous? Don't be Mon cheri~ come, and join us~...," France definately took him up on his offer. The jealousy levels were off the charts now. "Mio bambino, I love you so much~...," Snake boy chirped cutely. "I love you too Mia madre~..," I chirped happily, and cuddled the little cute kid to death.

I squealed I couldn't help It. France wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and leaned his head against my shoulder but I didn't care. I cooed quietly. I stood up and happily smiled at the cute little Italy. "Mio bambino, would you like something to eat, your madre will make you some pasta If you llike~.."

"Si~..," he said cutely I laughed, and walked Into the kitchen. "Oi, fucktards I'm making pasta for dinner, so suck It losers!" I yelled Into the living room.

Britney's POV

"Looks like he's back...good because I was getting wierded out...," I sighed with relief. Everyone else looked dejecttified. Oh well, at least It's better than jealousy daggers. I sighed, and walked Into the kitchen. "That boy makes some damn good pasta though, so I'm going to go eat!"

Back to his POV

I chuckled, as I placed Feli, on my shoulders. "Watch carefully okay, so when your grown up you can make your own pasta!" I said cheerfully. "Si, Madre~," OMG, so cute. I laughed, I just finished boiling the pasta and straining It, and was know stirring the sauce while the meat was cooking on the stove.

I sighed "I love pasta, but not as much as I love you Mio bambino!" I took Feli down, and kissed his nose. He giggled, and smiled "I love you to Mio Madre~!" I laughed, and smiled sweetly. "Okay, Feli I think the pasta Is almost done~," I chirped, while pouring the beef Into the sauce and stirring.

"Alright, now all we need are bowls~," I chipped while getting out 6 bowls, and 2 for me and Feli. I made our plates, and sat down at the bar. "Alright~," I chirped, while getting out 2 forks. I handed a small one to Feli, and began eatting. "Excusa Moi, Mon cheri but what about us?"

I groaned, and glared at them "You have legs, and hands don't you I already got out the bowls, don't think I'm going to feed you like a bunch of toddlers..," I grumbled. I looked over at Feli, who was staring at the pasta with Intensity, and the fork too. I realized something "Oh Feli, do you not know how to use a fork?"

I laughed, and took the fork from him while leaning on the counter, I swirled up some pasta on the fork, and put It Infront of Feli's face. "Say ahhhh~," I chirped, while Feli ate the pasta. His face Immiadately lit up "Mio madre's pasta Is the best I've ever tatsed!~," I chirped happily.

"Thank you, Mio bambino~, here I'll show you how to use the fork you just do this..,"

Britney's POV

"Geez, he's acting so motherly...I's pretty freaky...," I glance over at the other Nations who were eating the pasta, oh crap the jealousy daggers are back! "H-hey guys, don't tell me your jealous of a little kid..," I muttered. The response hit me full force "NO!" I sighed, and stood up, and walked over to Snake boy.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a moment Husby?" I asked carefully "Of course Wifey~," he chirped. I sighed I SO wasn't used to him being all cheerful like this...ugh. We walked out Into the hallway while the Nations were busy summoning the devil. "Hey look husby, I realize you really love Feli, but you have to stop Ignoring the guys.."

"Oh why, are those bastards jealous? Good." I sighed "Dude, If you don't stop this They're going to explode from sexual tension, and jealousy!" He glanced back In the kitchen, and shivered. "Alright, I give them a show they won't forget..," I sighed as he walked back Into the kitchen.

Back to his POV

I sighed, as I sat back down to my pasta. _Damn them, now I have to degrade myself cause they're jealous, assholes_. I picked up some noodles, and suck on the noodles seductively, Gil looked up, alright one down. I ate the fork full of pasta, the sucked the tomato juice off my lips, Ivan looked up.

I wipped my mouth, and licked the stains off my wrist, France looked up. I picked up a big chunk of beef that had remained solid the whole time, I nibbled on the edge of It before taking the whole thing In my mouth. That got Pirate England's attention. I chewed slowly, then licked the hamburger juice off my chin.

That got Al's attention. I smirked while slurping noodle after noodle Into my mouth, slowly and seductively, that got Austria's attention. I smirked, and ate the rest of my pasta. I love sexual Inuenndos! Once I stopped eating, I looked at each one of their faces, and sighed. "You know guys, your pasta Is going to get cold If you just sit there, and staring Is rude~."

That got them, they all blushed feverishly and started eating their pasta like It was the last thing they were going to eat In the whole world. I sighed, and looked over at Britney and mouthed 'Are you happy now?' She nodded I sighed but smiled afterward. I giggled when I saw Feli was done with his meal.

I picked him up, and chuckled darkly, that was my happy laugh, but Britney thought It was a little scary and not to mention weird. Before I could leave though she grabbed my sleeve, and handed me an odd looking whiskey bottle. I looked at her "What. Exactly Is this?" She blushed then giggled.

"This..," she pointed to the bottle "Is what you would call, a fun night starter or In other words an aphrodisiac..," I blushed furiously and handed the bottle back to her. "Do you know how fucking dangerous It Is bringing something like that Into _this_ house!" I whispered furiously. She giggled again "Yeah, I do but you and I both know that you'll never have the gaul to try and put the moves on one of these guys, god knows your as skiddish as a rabbit on cocaine."

She sighed then continued "It's just something to help..okay?" I got really miffed for some reason. I blushed furiously "Well I don't need any of the help your suggesting Britney, I have a perfectly good enough...you I just don't need It as much as a normal person, and you know that first hand!" I yelled at her while stomping Into the kitchen, and out the bottle In the cabnet.

Call me a swiss, but I don't like throwing things away needlessly. "Plus, I think thaat has to be the most vile thing, oh wait no-those Idiots live here, so It Isn't the _most_ disgusting thing I've ever heard but It's still pretty damn close!" I hugged Feli to my chest defensively, blushing like mad. Feli looked up at me "Mio Madre! You look like a tomato!" he giigled cutely, and I just blushed more.

"Bastards, bastards the lot of you, I swear every time I get one bastard out of my life I get another four...," I muttered darkly. I whimpered, and went up stairs, I put Feli on the couch and turned on some cartoons first thought. I dopped down on my bed, and whined Into thee pillow. _I knew this was going to be a bad day...I wanted to stay In bed damnit! _I groaned, and shifted.

This beed was comfy, I loved this bed I love It so much! I snuggled deeper Into the comforter, my shirt pushed up a little, and I sighed at the breeze. I felt someone poke me In my side, I grumbled and swatted at It.

Poke. "Mhn, go away..,"

Poke. "...," Poke.

"...hmph," Poke.

Poke. Poke. Poke.

Poke. "Stop It or I'll breaj your finger..,"

...

...

...

Poke.

"AGGGGGHHHH!" I lifted my-self off of the bed, and groaned loudly then glared up at the dark form In my bedroom. "What Is It?" I ground out looking every bit as scary as that one scene In Junjou Romantica. "U-um, Dude? I, me and the others watched a movie, and I was just wondering...U-um..," I groaned. Oh yeah didn't the manuel mention something about how If Alfred watched scary movies he'd want to sleep In the same bed as someone?

I gurgled my own spit then slipped to the left of the bed "Okay, but just for the night got It?" He chirped happily and jumped on the bed, thowing a lazy arm around me. I blushed and pushed his arm away "It's bloody hot already without you trying to make It warmer stay on your side or so help me I'll hit you square In the face with a metal chair!"

He whimpered, but backed off. I smiled I can be scary when I want to, bitch.


	8. You know you love It

**Author's Note: **I hope you guyz have enjoyed the story from here I started this one at 7/18/12 5:41 PM. I hope you enjoy this Installment!

Chapter 8 - You know you love It~

I groaned quietly from my bed, I was hot and sweaty, ew. I opened my eye, and Instantly got hit In the face with a cowlick. I snorted, and reeled back waking up the annoying American under me. I closed my eyes quickly, this bastard made me un-comfortable I'm going to make him un-comfortable.

He tried to move away, and I pulled him closer. I burrowed my head Into his chest "Mhn~," I muttered cutely. "U-uh, hey are you awake," he whispered, and I inwardly chuckled. He tried to move, but I pulled him back, and placed my knee In between his crotch and rubbed softly. I moaned quietly.

I could practically feel the blush on his cheeks "U-um.." I was so close to hysterical laughter, but I held It In. I thought of something embarassing, and blushed, then moaned louder, and kneaded his crotch harder. I heard a whimper above me, and smiled. "H-hey..," I laughed, and wrapped my arms around him harder, and pushed my knee against him, I could feel the tent In his pants.

Alright, time for the cherry on top. I pushed harder against him, and let out a deep throaty moan. Here It comes, "Mnh, Al...~," I heard a gulp above me, then another whimper "Ah, fuck..," I was laughing so much Inwardly. I grinned and started laughing "I can't believe you fell for that, Frenchie's right you Americans can be soooo stupid sometimes."

I laughed, while staring down at him "Hey, dude that was so not cool!" He fumed, blushing wildly I cackled evily. "Whatever you say tent boy..," I noded down to his crotch, and jumped down off the bed. "You, Sir are a major ASS!" He hissed the last part, and I just giggled. "Hey, Al?"

"Yeah?" He ground out. I laughed and winked cutely "Eat you heart out..~." I laughed, and left him there. I went downstairs Into the living room, were Feli was sound asleep on the couch. I laughed he was so cute. I shook him gently "Hey Feli, It's time to wake up~," Feli stood up on his knees rubbing his eyes cutely "Huh, Mio Madre?" I laughed "Yes Feli, want some breakfast?"

He chirped, and hugged my chest wrapping his arms around my neck. "Si~," I laughed, he was so cute. I walked Into the Kitchen, while I'm In here I might as well make breakfast for everyone, so I decided pancakes. I looked to Feli "Hey, want some pancakes Feli?" He nodded happily "I've never had pancakes before Madre, do they tatse good?" I nodded "Very good especially when Madre makes them~."

He smiled "I want pancakes from Mio Madre~," I laughed and hugged him "Good, then I'll make some small ones especially for my bambino~." He laughed, and watched as I made the pancake batter, then made the pancakes put them on the plates added some powedered sugar, and last but not least maple syrup. I laughed, and set the plate In front of Feli.

"Here you go Mio Bamabino~," he giggled and set to devouring his pancakes. I walked out of the kitchen "HEY, GUYS! I MADE BREAKFAST! COME AND GET YOUR PLATES!" Soon everyone, plopped down at the breakfast counter, with their plate of pancakes. Britney's face Instantly brightened when she took the first bite. "Wow, snake boy you never cease to amaze me! You always make the best pancakes!"

I looked up from my plate then looked back down at the pancakes In front of me then furrowed my eyebrows."Come on, Brit they aren't that good..," she shook her head "Nope they're the best pancakes every right guys?" Everyone nodded their head In agreement, then Al spoke up "OI just don't get It how can someone who likes Iggy be a good cook?" I snorted "Whoever your In love with doesn't effect how you cook, their you go again showing off that American stupidity."

"Hey," Britney yelled "I take offense to that as a rpoud resident of Floridia!" I snorted, "Brit, you have absolutely no Idea what your Implying do you?" Just then France laughed obviously getting the joke. Britney huffed "What I like Florida...It's the longest state In the USA...," I laughed harder, and France fell out of his chair. "Whatever you say Britney, but big ben's bigger."

Alfred snorted "No, Floridia's definately larger..," I snorted, and choked back more laughter France nearly died. "Whatever, let's stop argueing about It I think Britney's about to die from thinking to hard..," her head shot up "Hey!" I laughed harder, and dumped the rest of my pancakes on Ivan's plate. "I'm not hungry anymore..," he laughed and thanked me for the extra food.

I placed my plate In the sink, then turned to Feli. He was done with his pancakes so I picked him and his plate up. and put the plate In the sink. He latched onto my neck, and burrowed his face In my chest. I laughed and hugged him tighter. We walked outta the Kitchen completely unaware of the glares pointed Feli's way.

Britney's POV

"Oh, I wish I could hang off Mon Cheri's neck that way..,"

"Ar, for a man he sure has soft skin I wouldn't mind being In the kid's place..,"

"Kolkolkolkolkolkol, comerade Is to loving to that little tyke...stupid little brat Comerade's chest belongs to me..," no one caught that last part.

"...," Al was silent, but blushing like crazy.

"That Is highly Undignified...,"

"So Un-awesome, I was here first...I called first dibs..,"

I ate my last piece of pancake, and walked over to place my plate In the sink. "You know, he's sitting on the couch right now, and he's cold blooded, I don't think he'd mind the extra warmth." It was quite for a couple minutes, then I heard wild scrammbling behind me. I smiled Sanke boy has no Idea what's coming.

I walked out of the kitchen to watch the show.

Back to his POV

I was smiling down at Feli who was curled up In my adomen sleeping. I laughed, and rubbed his head. I felt an arm around my shoulder, I also felt heat so I didn't mind. Then I felt another arm around my shoulder, which was also warm so I didn't care. Then I felt a weight on my feet, which was also warm so again I didn't mind.

I felt arms around my neck, but I didn't mind. Then I saw Al sitting In the floor next to my feet and Roderich, sitting on the other side of my feet. I looked to my left France, I looked to my right Pirate England. I looked at the arm around my neck, ghostly pale Gil I looked down at my feet Russia.

My eyebrows furrowed then I sighed. "What are you guys doing, exactly?" France replied "Everyone was cold, so we just thought we'd share body heat..," I huffed annoyed "Well, I don't need the extra body heat, but thanks for the gesture." Everyone stayed where they were.

I growled, then looked over my shoulder to Britney, who was smirking up a storm. I looked back down at Feli. "Did Britney put you guys up to this?" Everyone acted shocked at first then nodded yes. I huffed again, and tsked "Well, I'll have to thank her later." I sighed "Briiitttneeeyyy! Can you get me a beer?" I heard a muffled groan then an "Alright."

I sighed, and tried the shift around un-sucessfully. Then a can of German beer waved In my face, I smiled and grabbed It. "Hey Britney? What's my ethnicity again?" She groaned and muttered "How would I know?" I shrugged my shoulders, just then Frenchie spoke up "What Is your ethnicity, Mon cheri?" I thought for a moment.

"Well my mom's American, and my dad's German...my mom's mother Is French, and my grandfather was English, and my great grandfather was Russian, so I'm mainly German, and American, so I'm bloodthirsty and have no problem exspressing It." Everyone around me was staring. Britney huffed "Yeah, your German alright...your always In a bad mood except when your drunk then your just crazy," I took offense to that "Hey, I bleed black, red, and yellow biznitch!"

She huffed, and turned back to the T.V. which was playing some weird movie about these guys getting revenge on their bosses or something. I gave Feli to France, who was still sound asleep. "Can you hold him for awhile, I don't think he'd freak out much If you were holding him..," France took him, I scooted back to the back of the couch, Prussia was still gripping my neck. I put my hands behind me, and grabbed ahold of his shirt and pulled him up over my head.

He sucessfully landed In my lap I smiled "Nice of you to drop In..~," I hugged his waist close, and placed my head on his right shoulder. I could see the clearly visible blush on his face, and smirked then blew In his ear, which made him twitch. I laughed and pulled him closer earning a whimper. I chuckled darkly, and 'aciddently' palmed him through his pants.

Britney cleared her throat "Should be kicking In any minute now..," I perked my head up "What should be kicking In?" She smirked darkly and a scary shadow crossed her face, and I gulped. "Why the beer I gave you of course, should be kicking In any minute now..," my eyebrows furrowed "Beer...," I mumered then remembered the beer Britney handed me, It was open.

"Aw, shit..," Too late, felt the pang of euphoria go through me I whimpered and gripped Gil tighter. Everyone asked me what's wrong, and I was desperately crossing my legs to hide the tent that was about to pitch up. I hissed "Everyone get up now, HURRY IT UP," I yelled loudly everyone got up, and I ran upstairs.

I went Into my room, the slammed the bathroom door opened and wobbled In. I turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door close. I Un-zipped my painfully tight pants. When I heard a knock on the door I grimaced.


	9. I hate pretty boys

**Author's Note:** hey It's Otakufan here! I hope your enjoying the story up until now, and the lemon I wrote! I don't normally right sex scenes, so sorry If It's bad...I'm more of a shounen Ai writer...heheheheh. I hope you enjoy this one, and yes I always Intended my OC to be with Prussia, but I don't like the Idea of everyone else being alone, which Is why harem Animes bum me out. Anyway I hope you enjoy the latest Installment of this...I didn't ask for this!

Chapter 9 - I hate pretty boys...

After I thoroughly beat britney up, I walked Into the living room. Just then though, Prussia came down the stairs. When he saw me he flashed me a smirk, I blushed and walked up the stairs quickly. I stopped at the top, I was so mad at Britney, at Gil, at everyone! "You know what! I fucking hate pretty boys, and any kind of alcoholic beverage!"

I stomped Into my room, and quiet Ironically Into the closet. I sat In there for awhile, and stared at the door to my closet. Just then my bedroom door opened, and In walked In someone, I didn't know who the fuck It was I was In the closet for fuck sakes. Just then 'someone' walked Infront of the closet, and I saw who It was. Britney.

"Oh jesus, can't I get some fucking peace now, and then without one of you showing up. I tell you I actually miss solitary confinement In this fucking house, It's better than dealing with people drugging you, and molesting you everyone fucking second of every fucking day."

She sighed, "I'm sorry about that, but I can tell you liked him and let's get real It wasn't going anywhere, your such a Tsundere, and-"

"I am not a fucking Tsundere! DAMNIT!"

She sighed again, "I'm sorry, your temptpromental..," I nodded "Thank you." "I just nudged things along, now come on you can't stay In this closet all your life." I sniffed, and opened the closet. I smoothed out my clothes, and stepped out of the closet. "I am perfectly fine, you don't have to cheer me up everytime," I blushed realizing what she just said "And I do not like that fucktard he can go die In hell for all I care!"

I breathed In a couple times, then sighed shakily. "Oh? Mon cheri has a crush on someone huh?" My eyes widened, and I turned to see Frenchie leaning against the door frame. "I-I don't like anyone don't be ubsurd, I'm asexual after all, all I need Is the one and only." I pointed to my-self, his grin just widened. "Ah, this Is Interesting Mr. Snake boy actually likes one of us huh?"

My blush deepened, "N-no." To late, Frenchie was already gone and downstairs before I could even sputter. I raced downstairs, just as Frenchie was telling everyone, but again I was to late.

"And It's one of us!"

I fell down the rest of the steps. everyone crowded around me, and I groaned "You French bastard, I'm going to castrate you with a melon scooper, you damned bastard!" I hopped up and tried to strangle the damned bastard. I was restrained before I could do anything, by the Pirate no less. "Ay, that's enough there' mate." I fumed andd muttered the most obscene things I could think of.

"French bastard, dumb ass frog, bearded asshole..," I grumbled, when Pirate guy let me go, I slumped to the ground. Britney leaned down next to me "If you don't get up right now, I'm going to force you Into one of those lollita dresses that you hate so much." My eyes widened I knew which stupid dresses she was talking about to, blue, black, red, pink, lollita dresses, I grimaced.

"No, you can't do that! I'll never wear those god awful bodices ever again you got It? You damn perverted girl." I got up and dusted my self off, and shot Britney a look of digust. "Oh? What's this I hear about bodices and dresses?" I hate that French accent with all my bloody Britney smirked, and I swallowed "Come on, we could at least show them..," I grimaced, but heart. "No, no, no, no. A thousand time no."

eventually said "Fine, you can show them, but I'm not wearing shit you understand, god you can barely breathe with how tight you tie those things Britney." She smiled, and squealed before running upstairs.

I matched up the stairs after he followed by the most bastardest bastards I knew. The dresses where held In a giant walk In closet, with full bodied mirrors In two corners of tthe room. The dresses themselves were lined up against the walls, at least a hundred of them. I sighed, Britney squealed, and eveyone else went to go look at the dresses. I grimaced when they all came back with a particular dress they liked.

Ivan had a black, with shiney jade green dress that reached the knees, and had puffy shoulders with ribbons tied at the end of the sleeves.

Gil came back with a white, and red dress, with tons of lace, and a bodice made with black robbons, and a low cut trapozoid neck, sleeveless, with lacy red gloves.

Roderich came back with a, blue and gold puffy Princess dress, that touched the ground, with teal sleeves that reached the elbows which were tied with ribbons.

Pirate came back with a, what could be classified as a maid's outift. Typical.

Alfred came back with a, what kinda looked like Misa's dress, but prettier.

France came back with a, well I'm not sure It was wrapped In a bag, that can't be good.

I hugged Feli tighter In my arms. "Hey, snake boy they have good tatse they got all the pretty dresses you hate." I growled out a 'yeah'. I sighed, and Feli giggled In my arms. "Mio madre all these dresses are so pretty, Madre would look pretty In them as well." I smiled down at the little cute thing In my arms "oh, of course I would but no way In hell am I wearing them."

"Please~!" I sighed, and glared at Britney. "You knew this would happen didn't you?" She giggled "Of course not Snake boy, If I did that'd make me some kind of manipulative genius." I grimaced, and grabbed Gil's first. "Fine, but just a few got It?" Everyone agreed happily.

I pulled on the dress, and put on the choker, and the lacy gloves, god damned lace It was so Itchy. I stepped out, and everyone gave out appreciative hoots and hollers! I grimaced, Gil smirked "It fits you well, frau." I furrowed my eyebrows. "You know, I can speak German, and I'm not, nor will a ever be a girl so get that out of your head right now...alright, so which one Is next?"

Ivan handed me his dress, and I smiled before heading Into the fitting area. I slipped off the last dress, and slipped on the new one I stretched out the sleeves, and stepped out. "Wow, man I thought you looked good In the last one, you have good tatses I'll give you that commie!" I rolled my eyes "Yeah, but let's not forget who put the first man In space."

I laughed at the American's expression. I went over to Roderich, and smirked "Really roddy? I thought you were to 'dignified' for this?" He blushed, and handed me the dress "I just think, you would look well In a dress, that's all." I laughed, and headed Into the dressing room. I slipped off the old dress, and pushed the new one over my shoulders.

I walked out, and rolled my eyes at the bright smiled, and heady glares thrown my way. "Wow, I never knew someone could wear a dress that reached the floor like that." Roddy was blushing "Just, as I thought my good tatses were right as always." I rolled my eyes, and stepped over to Mr. Pirate. "Here you go, I hope It fits ye' well." I smiled, that was actually not perverted for once.

I slipped off the old dress, and put on the maid outift, I loved maid outfits, especially the ones In kaichou wa maid-sama. Don't tell anybody that. I crossed my arms over my chest, and made a pouty face, just like Misaki-sama. I walked out, and everyone gawked, Pirate gave a wolf whistle, and I flashed everyone a warm smile.

I walked over to France, and took the bagged dress reluctantly. "This better not be to revealing France, I'm warning you." He smiled, and laughed "I think you'll be pleased, mon cheri." I rolled my eyes, and walked Into the dressing room. I Un-zipped the bag, and Immiadately blushed furiously.

"Hey!, Frenchie get your ass In here, I have a bone to pick with you!" He came In the room, looking a bit sheepish "Yes, mon cheri?"

Britney's POV

The conversation went exactly like this.

"Yes, mon cheri?"

"Don't give me that 'my darling' crap what's this!"

"It Is a dress, mon cheri."

"This, Is not a dress this Is a fucking embarassment!"

"Come on mon cheri, It Is not that bad, won't you wear It?"

"Wear what? It's only a few pieces of string!"

"Please, mon cheri for me?"

"...,"

"Mon cheri?"

"Shut-up I'm thinking."

"...,"

"Fine, but you owe me big time."

Back to his POV

I slipped on the 'articale of clothing' and grimaced. This was so humiliating, I couldn't even fathem word for this monstrousity. I walked out Into the viewing area, and heard a collective gasp from everyone.

"It's a..," said Roderich.

"It's a..," said Al.

"It's a..," said Ivan.

"It's a..," said stupid Pirate.

"It's a..," said perverted Albino.

"It's an apron...," said the oh so brilliant Britney.

"Yes, It's a apron..," I grimaced France smirked "Just an apron." I rolled my eyes, I think I was getting a fever from all this blushing. I was wearing just a apron, that's It just a apron. I shifted uncomfortably. "Can I go and change now...It's drafty, and cold." Britney laughed "Go on and change snake boy."

I did the crab walk to the dressing, so no one saw anything. I changed back Into my regular clothes, and just stepped out Into the viewing area when.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

I threw my head back, and groaned "FUCK!" I trudged downstairs mournfully.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

"I'm fucking coming you asshole! Tell me where the fire at!" I heard Brritney laugh behind me, and Gil snort In laughter. I grinned and opened up the door "My main man, how It's goin' what graces us with your presence here today my friend?" I slurred my words, then the guy at the door gave me a funny look.

He handed me a clipboard, and I signed It. I gave him the clipboard back, and he rolled the crate In. He turned to leave, that's when he stopped "I hope you have alot of tomatos, and like dumb pretty boys." He left without a word. I furrowed my eyebrows In confusion, then realized what character It was.

"OH! NOT THE TOMATO BASTARD!"

I heard a crashing sound behind me then I got tackled by a crazy dumbass spaniard.

The family just kep' growin' and growin'.


	10. Damn Icing

**Author's Note:** I hope your enjoying the story until now! This Is the latest Installment of this...I didn't order this!

Chapter 10 - God damn icing.

I blushed, and tried to pry the guys hands off my mid section. "Oh, my little tomato!" I heard behind me, I growled "I'm not your little tomato, bastard!" I heard a loud SMACK, then a body slumping to the floor. I turned around, and glared at the spanish dude. "I'm not a vegatable," I hissed "Actually tomatoes are fruit." I glared at Britney, when she shut up I smirked.

Just then dumbass started to wake up. He squinted then looked around "Where's my little bambino?" I threw my head back and started laughing, then fell on the ground. Al came In then walked up to me "Are you okay man?" I laughed even more "Dude, ask him to say something else."

"Why are you laughing so hard, did I say something funny?" Then Al started laughing and was on the ground with me. "What's so funny you couple of crazies?" I laughed then got up "You...dude your accent sounds so funny?" He fumed "What about my accent Is funny?"

I laughed then hiccuped "Dude, It sounds like your tired...everytime you talk!" He grumbled, and grabbed my shirt then pulled me up so I was at eye level with him. I smirked and laughed "Oh? Is mister seista gonna hurt me," I leaned forward, smirk widening "Go ahead and try sweet heart."

I kissed him lightly, he dropped me. I glared at him then yawned "I'm tired, I'm gonna go watch netflix." I walked over Into the living room, and turned on the Wii (how awesome Is netflix by the way?). I waited for a few moments, then searched around for the Wii remote when.

"MEOW!" I got hit In the face by a cat.

I laughed, and hugged Luna. "Ah, I thought I'd never see you again Luna!" I hugged her more then petted her head as she lept off my chest. She headed Into the kitchen to eat, more than likely. "So you live alone, with a cat and your a guy?" I glared at Britney "Shut-up or I swear da' god your ass Is gonna be sleeepin' In the driveway." She shut up, I laughed and found the Wii remote next to the T.V.

I clicked the A button, then clicked the netflix box, and the start button. I like comedy so I hit a random comedy and sat back to watch It. I felt an arm around my shoulder, and turned to see spanish guy with the most goofiest looking grin on his face. I shifted In my spot on the couch, and whined "Maaaaannnnn, will you stop being so clingy, I swear I can barely breathe without choking on tomatoes."

He removed his arm, but pressed up against me. I grumbled then guess who would come down stairs. Gilbert fucking Beildschmidt. He smiled and waved "Hey, Toni! When'd you get here?" I grimaced and turned to him "He got here not to long ago." He flashed Gil a grin "Hey Mi amiga! Whatsup?"

Gil's face Immiadately fell, I think he just realized how close the spainard Is to me. I laughed nervously, and patted the space next to me "Want to watch something funny eh? Gil?" He frowned, but did as I asked, he was pressed even closer to me than the spainard I might add. I yawned, and leaned back In my chair, then I felt my shirt ride up I gasped as cold air hit my skin, the quickly yanked down my shirt.

I absently rubbed my arms, then went back to watching the comedy show. I Immiadately regretted It.

"But, If I think I'm awesome, which I know I am, and you fuck me right away I think that shows a good choice In breeding on your part. That's a women who knows how to pick 'em, I RESPECT THAT!"

I snorted, yeah that's totally not demeaning to women. I heard a chuckle from beside me, and turned to see a chuckling albino. I fumed "what's so funny?" He turned to me, and laughed again then nudged me with his shoulder. "Nothing, just that you have good tatse." I punched him In the shoulder.

He gripped It hard "god damnit, your just like that burger muncher, fucking super strength." I smirked "Yeah, when you grow up the way I did, you learn how to take care of yourself." I looked down, then sighed and got up. I walked Into the kitchen, and yanked open the fridge. No beer, no beer?. No beer.

I groaned, then slammed the door shut, I walked Into the living room, and glared at the two on the couch. "Do you guys know where Britney's at?" Just then I felt a hand on my side, I turned around, and no I did not scream like a girl I let out a manly shreek there's a difference. "I'm right here, and you didn't have to scream."

"Oh, fuck you Britney you know how much I hate when things jump out at you for no god damn reason." She sighed, defeated "Alright, alright what did you want?" I crossed my arms and pouted "There's no beer left." She smirked "And?" I huffed "And, we need to get more." She smiled trriumpfant "No, you need to get more I'll drive you, but your walking In and talking to the cashier."

I paled "I don't want to talk to that guy, he's so, so ugh!" I stomped off Into the kitchen to look for some booze.

Britney's POV

I laughed, and turned around just In time to facechest, Into a towering Prussian. I pushed him back, and mini-glared at him. "Why doesn't he want to talk to the cashier at the liquor store?" I smiled, boy was he going to love this. "Cause the cashier's gay, gay for snake boy, and snake boy Isn't Interested because the cashier, Is a catcher and snake boy's definately not a pitcher, but cashier guy thinks he's a pitcher, leading as to why Snake boy doesn't want to talk to him."

The guy nodded before heading Into the kitchen. I smiled another explanation out of the way.

Back to his POV

I had my head buried In the fridge, wheen I felt a hand on my ass. I had three choices.

A) Turn around and slap the hell out of whoever's groping me while I'm trying to fish for a buzz

B) Turn around, and knee whoever's groping me In the balls, because whoever Is sure as hell Isn't Britney.

C) leave the hand there, and see what else the hand does.

Yeah, sorry for all those perv's out there, but I DO NOT like to be touched. I turned around, and slapped the hell out of, Prussia. No surprise what so ever. I snorted, and walked away rubbing the bridge of my nose with my Index finger, and thumb. Just then quess what happens? My phone goes off, but this time It's the 'Notice me!' song.

I fish the phone out of my back pocket, and answer It with a Russin accent, just to fuck with the other person on the phone.

"Privet?"

"Uh, yeah Is Snake boy there?"

"Niet, oh wait yes he Is, but he's eheheh tied up at the moment."

"...what?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAH, dude I'm just fucking with you what's up?"

"Yeah, listen I have beer and no one to drink It with mind If I come over?"

I laughed "how many cases?" He snorted, stupid question. "10 of course, no more no less what do you take me for?"

I laughed again "Alright, come over, but only because I just ran out of beer."

He laughed to, "Okay, okay you still living In that decked out Mcmansion?" I laughed "Of course, cause you know I'm a pimp." He snorted "Alright see you In a few, bye-bye."

"Bye, Mattiekins~." He sighed, "I told you not to call me that just call me Matt, like all the normal people." I snorted "Who said I was normal?" He laughed "Alright, bye snakey."

"Bye, see you In a few."

I walked Into the living room, and jumped up and down. Britney laughed when she saw me, "What's got you so happy?" I giggled "Mattiekins Is coming over~." She laughed, and fist pumped with a loud 'Yahoo!' I laughed even harder "And, he's bringing beer!" Just then Gil started paying attention to thee conversation "Whose bringing beer?" I laughed, and twirled In a circle.

"Mattykins of course~!" He furrowed his eyebrows, and looked to Britney, "Explanation?"

Britney's POV

"Matt, Is Snake boy's one guy friend they get drunk and act stupid together, I think Matt has a thing for him but Snake boy Is completely oblivious, well he just chooses to Ignore It I think, but It's totally never going to be serious." I crossed my arms, and pushed up my pretend glasses like the badass Kyoya Otori I was.

"They met In a gay club, that I dragged Snake boy to, Ironically. Matt's almost as tall as you Gilbert, probably just a few Inches shorter, he has red hair and Is a total gamer, just like Snake boy."

Back to his POV

I sighed as I looked down at the tsereo selcetion, I laughed when I found what I wanted. This was going to be so awesome. I put the CD In the player, then grabbed the remote that controls It and sat down to wait, sure enough guess who comes walking by. Prussia, I smiled this was going to be so fucking funny.

"Hey Gil?"

"Yeah, whaddya want?"

"Are you awesome? Because I'm having some doub-

"Of course the awesome me I-

I smirked, and pressed the button to the stereo the musci started playing, and the first lyrics played.

"I'm awesome, no your not dude don't lie!"

My smirk grew, as I did the cabbage patch hand gesture. "Get jiggy with It." I looked up and saw a hilariously blushing Prussian. Ah, how I love a good mindfuckery every now, and then. I sighed as the music kept playing, just then.

**DING, DONG. DONG, DONG.**

I laughed, and stood up this was going to be fuuuuhhhnnnnn. I yanked open the door to see a red hed shivering with 10 cases of beer around him. "Mattykins~," I cooed picking up 3 or 4 cases. "So nice of you to drop by." He grunted while picking up 2 cases. I looked over to Gil, and nodded toward the cases, he got the message and brought In the rest of the cases.

"Dude, why are you playing the 'Awesome song' at 4:00 In the afternoon." I shrugged "No good reason just a joke I was playing on a favored aquintance." Gil 'hmphed' behind me and I smirked, just then Mattykins noticed the towering Albino behind me. I laughed and explained.

"This, Is Gilbert beilschmidt also known as East, Prussia, but never...a certain Russian word that will never be said In this house."

"What, Kaliningrad?"

I froze, but time unfortuantly did not freeze with me.

"FUCKING COMMIE!"

I sighed, and gestured toward Ivan "This Is Ivan Braginski, also known as Sovier Union, or Russia."

He furrowed his eyebrows as I lead him through the house Introducing him to everyone, next happened to be America.

"This Is Alfred F. Jones, the F? I don't know what It stands for but I'm shooting for fucktard, also known as USA, or America...yes also fucktard."

I Intorduced him to Pirate England. "This Is Captain Kirkland, otherwise known as Atrhur Kirkland, I just call him booty hunter, ass clown, or butt Pirate."

I Introduced him to Antonio. "This Is the very rare, well not so rare or endangered really, species known as , or Spain as well as Antonio or 'Toni' but I prefer the sur name."

I Introduced him to France. "This Is France, or Francis, 'Francie pants', or frog." That was the shortest one.

I Introduced him to Austria, who was by the Piano for reasons Un-known. "This Is Austria, or Rody, as well as Roderich."

Mattykins paused at the Piano "Hey, double O you never told me you got a Piano." I smiled "Yeah, well what can I say I knew you'd be coming over one of these days so I took the liberty of buying one, so you could play that funky music white boy." He laughed at the nonchalant way I refrenced the funny song we couldn't help but laugh at everytime we heard It.

"Yeah, you know how I had years of Piano and ettiquete lesson curtosy of my mum." Austria perked up at this. "You had the same experience as me?" Mattykins laughed "Yeah, you to huh? God knows that It didn't stick with me but I know a few things or two." Theey sat down and started talking to each other about soooommmmeeeething.

But I had no mind or reason to care, so I did the best thing for my attention span. I moved on to something else. I walked Into the kitchen, bored and hungry. When a familar scent hit my nostrils. Oh sweet crap muffins, Britney was making Cinammon rolls. I walked In only to seal my doom.

"Hey Snakey, when the Cinammon rolls are done you have to put the Icing on them."


	11. You can take him

**Author's Note:** Hey everybody! It's me again I made a quiet a few new chapters and stories In the last few days yes? Alright, I hope your enjoying this story, and there may be a few lemons In the future, and yes they might be better. I'm really bad at writing smut, really bad, like boring videogame bad. Anyway on with the new chapter.

Chapter 11 - You can take him.

I sighed, and stared at the hot oven. I hate Icing, I always have It's too sugary, sticky and comes In unessacary colors. I don't like handling It either It's so un-natural, It just sits there, on the stove quietly mocking my existance. I hate It with all my strength, and that's a but load. I laughed, I just thought but load. Wow, from shakespear to bevis and butt-head In ten seconds, new record.

"You know no matter how much you stare at It, It's not going to turn Into water, trust me I've tried."

I smirked, and turned to face my bro friend Matt. "Yeah, well you know how much I hate the stuff, can you Ice the cinnamon rolls when they come out?" He nodded and grinned "Only If you promise to play Mortal Kombat with me." I sighed and rolled my eyes "Since when did you have to black mail me In order to play my favorite game."

"Since, like, ever."

I snorted, and said In my best spanish accent "Aw, you know you love It." He laughed too "Dude, quit talking like a perverted Mexican." I laughed and walked over to the pantry and grabbed the graham crackers. I loved graham crackers, especially when you dip them In apple juice. My stomach growled and I whined _stop thinking about delicous things you can't have It just makes things worse._

I sat down on the couch, and Feli was right next to me. I handed him a graham cracker, and he took It but now without giving me a quizical look. "Oh, what's this Mama?" I laughed "It's a graham cracker, It's a cinnamon cracker try It." He took a bite and smiled "Oh wow It's good!" I laughed "Damn, straight." Then I heard a 'Tsk' from next to me, I turned to, guess who? Austria.

"You shouldn't curse like a sailor around children."

I laughed, I have a quick wit so I had a number of responses for this. I chose one and stated It with pride.

"I curse, because you touch your-self at night, Aus."

Oh, your should've seen his face.

It was like, embarassed, angry, and fearful that he got found out all at the same time. He huffed and sat up and walked upstairs. I laughed, and then "You know that was funny as hell Dude." I laughed and walked over to the stereo and pressed the play button, and turned the volume up to a moderately (blaring) low state.

We were listening to 'High school never ends' by rolling burrito.

I laughed as the music played. "Hey, Matty dance with me." He snorted and backed up "Hell no, last time I did that I ended up with a boner In the middle of a bar's dance floor." I pouted and just danced with myself. I picked Feli up and we started dancing giggling all the while.

Britney POV

"Hey, whatsup' Matt, woah what's up with snakey?"

**blaring music can be heard from the back round while a ravenette swings around with a little kid, he always dances drunk.**

"Oh, he's just having fun like usual...I wish he would'nt have so much fun."

"I know what you mean, he's a party animal."

**Suddenly a loud yell could be heard which sounded like this "AND WHO'S HAVIN SEX!" and a few bumping noises as Feli landed on the couch.**

"What's up with him?" We both turned to America. We both sighed at the same time.

"He's just havin' his own type of fun."

"Awesome, party!" America walked up to the ravenette and started dancing while singing along to the music.

**A lot of 'hoots' and 'hollers' could be heard from the other side of the living room. And another Inaudiable sound can be heard, like "I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY BACK!"**

"I don't think there's a fucking In that lyric." I snorted "He doesn't care."

Suddenly we both felt a creepy aura from behind us, only to see Russia smiling In the corner observing the two dancing Imbeciles.

"Woah! Who didn't Invite me to the awesome party!" We both sighed, and gestured to the stupid american, and life drunk Ravenette dancing on the 'dance floor' (living room carpet).

"Go on ahead."

**Loud yells, and slurred lyrics could be heard from the other side of the living room. Now a party of three.**

"Oh, Bueno!" dralled a very thick spanish accent. "Ohononononon, what's going on here?"

We both sighed "Party...join If you want." They both made their way to the dancing trio.

**Party of five.**

"Ar' what's all this then?" We both groaned and shoved the Pirate towards the dancing cinco fiesta.

**Part of six, we'll show you to your table...quit gyrating please.**

Austria was still In his room, just reading away while the whole mess transpired In the living room.

Matt and me laughed and looked at each other.

"Well..," he started. "If you can't beat 'em." We both locked arms, and said at the same time "Join 'em!"

-Time Skip-

I sighed as I looked up at the white, blank white ceiling. I licked my lips, and coughed wincing as my throat muscles clenched up In pain. I looked over to my left to see Gil. I grumbled, he was an annoying prick at times, but I could never hate him hell I can't even dislike him. I looked down at the arm lazily flung across my chest.

I sighed but I curled up Into the lightly snoring Prussian underneath me. That's when he decided to wake up. "H-hey, what are you doing?" I pressed my head to his neck and replied "I'm cold, shut-up." He wrapped an arm around me and laughed, I could feel his chest rumble with the movement. "Kesesesesese, yeah keep telling yourself that frau."

I was so comfortable, and It was morning so no snappy comeback for u. I slipped an arm over him and hugged him closer. "Hey, Gil?" He shifted and stared down at me "What?" I shifted again, should I tell him? Fuck this shit I'm a MAN last time I checked. "Ich libe dich...," I muttered In his native language.

He stiffened a bit, then hugged me tighter and I felt a smiled pressed against my hair. I slowly slipped Into unconciousness. But before I passed out I heard "I love you too, Rave."

-Time Skip-

I sighed as I munched on my graham cracker. everyone was sitting around In the living room. I was on the couch pressed against Gil, and Al. Aus, was sitting In his armchair, France was sitting next to Al. Pirate was sitting next to Al, they'd become a coupled or something because they were holding hands.

I sighed, might as well come out with It.

"My names's Rave Hatter."

Everyone around me turned to stare In shock, and disbelief. "What like the movie..." I sighed "Like the movie." Everyone stratened up, and I got a chorus of 'that's a nice name' and 'now I know what to cry outs'. I was joking on that last part, keep It In yours pants girls. I sighed, since that was out of the way.

"Hey, Matt let's play Mortal Ko-

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

"Oh, you sick little fucking monkey!" (I love Mr. Mackey so stupid.) I sat up and walked over to the door pulling It open lazily. "Yes...," I ground out exasperatly. "Uh..yeah I need you to sign here..," I took the stupid clipboard and signed It. I shoved It back Into his chest and he rolled the crate In and then left.

But, not before handing me the user guide.

**LI XIAO CHUN: USER GUIDE, AND MANUEL**

I blanched who was that again? Oh yeah Korea...wait wasn't he a molester? I sighed oh great cause I'll just love getting molested at three In the morning for no good apparent reason. I read the 'how to open' part of the manuel and sighed. Great, now I had to listen to obnoxious techno music, and cheesey soap operas.

"Who'd we get?" I looked over to see Prussia reading over my shoulder. "Another Unit?" I couldn't help It "No, I'm just reading a manuel on how to do your mom, next to a giant crate of graham crackers." Those Bill Engval jokes were funny sometimes. I heard a laugh from Britney and a snort from Matt.

I sighed and looked over to Britney and Matt. I groaned, and looked to the left "Fucking people, ruining my once sane house...my once clean house I might add..," I was Interrupted In my mourning by an angry poodle haired Britney. "Yeah, yeah just get on with It already." I stood up and trudged over to the box.

"This outa be good...," I tried to think up something to say, and finally found something pretty good.

"凌？是您，阿鲁?."

**"YOUR BREATS BELONG TO **_**ME**_**, DA ZE!"**

I screamed as I was pounced upon, and then thoroughly groped by a brown haired teenager.I sat up with him still rubbing my chest. After a few minutes of breast grabbing noises that came out of nowhere, he whined. "There Isn't anything here...da ze," I laughed "Duh, If you haven't noticed I'm a guy."

His head shot up "But your so pretty, da ze." I glared at Prussia when he laughed, he stopped dead center. "Ahem, well I'm a guy, you don't like It...tough." I decided tough was the least crude way I could take that sentence. "Alright then, who are they?" I looked over to them and shrugged "I dunno some lost and derranged circus preformers..," I grinned at the choruses of 'HEY!'s.

I chuckled evily, then stood up. I winced and my hand flew to my but. "Godamnit, Gil I'm gonna kill you If It's the last thing I do!" I saw Prussia blush, then turn pale as the walls then he ran away. I glared after him, and then turned my glare onto a knowingly smirking Britney. She stopped and I went back to my neutral face. I turned to Li and smiled "would you like me to show your to your room?"

He nodded and grabbed his stuff then we traveled up stairs together to the second floor, I gave him the room across from Al's. I placed a hand on his shoulder and smirked "Welcome to the family, It's dysfunctional and Incestual...but It's nice none the less." He smiled and nodded "Yeah, I know all about dysfunctional families." I realized then that his family's pretty fucked up to.

I laughed and walked away laughing. Nothing was funny I just felt like laughing. I walked Into the living room and stared at all the guys sitting on the couch. I lasted about 2 seconds before I started laughing my ass off on the floor. "What's wrong with you amiga?" I started laughing harder and harder, I couldn't breathe. "I-I...ahahahahahah..," everyone gave me an odd look I laughed harder.

"I-I'm s-s-s-s-sorry, but It's funny because...I look at you guys...a-and..ahahahahahah." I caught my breathe and laughed again. "It's like your all the bastard sons of some whore with tons of frequent flier miles...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." I started laughing my ass of again at all their 'WTF' face the only people that were laughing where Britney, Matt, and me.

Yeah, I'm a dick. But your a fuck face If you didn't find that the least bit funny.


	12. AHAHAHAHAHAHA, your just like me!

**Author's Note**: I definately feel like most of my personality shows through this OC character, yeah I have Issues...deal. Anyway...I'n not a Tsundere, I hate It when people call me that, but whatever that Is so not the point! Your going to learn something about my personality In this Chapter, hint: everyone has a fear, even If they don't know what It Is.

Chapter 11 - "AHAHAHAHAHAHA, your just like me!"

After I stopped laughing, I sat down on the ocuh and sighed folding my arms and throwing my head back "I'm boooooorrrrrrreeeeddddd, Britney!" She groaned "What?" I hugged her arm "Dude, entertain me..," she grimaced and scoffed "Why should I do anything for you you damn git, get off my arm!" I pouted and whined cutely "But, brrriiiiittttnnnneeeeey." She sighed at the face "F-fine, what do you want to do?"

I snickered "Go get some food." I asked, heh more like demanded, she groaned and huffed "Why do I have to do the errands all the time, why can't you ever do anything for your-self." I rolled my eyes. "Because you touch your-self at night Britney, and I want Mcdonalds...go get some!"

I then heard a yell from behind the couch "Yaaaaayyyyy! Where going to eat MickeyD's...here I have a giftcard...," he handed Bitney a giftcard that said 'Un-limited free food'. I laughed loudly at Britney and see covered her ears. "Alright, alright just stop that god damned laugh...what do you want anyway?" I smiled wide and mad the victory sign while doing my 'happy dance'.

Britney POV

"W-what the hell Is he doing?"

I groaned, "His 'happy dance' he'll stop soon though."

Back to his POV

"I want a double quater pounder with chees, a Dr. pepper, and a large fries...and a wild berry shake!" She raised an eyebrow then closed the one under the normal eyebrow slightly. I looked at her beaming. "I honestly can't see why you like that fatty American food." I frowned, and looked over at Al. "She no' noth what she speekth of does' she?" He shrugged In confusion I looked over to Britney.

"CAUSE ITS AWESOME, DUH!" I screamed with an epic fist bump.

"O-Ow! You damn git! Lower your voice damn you! Did you not remember the lecture I gave you about 'Inside voices'!" I closed my eyes and frowned. "Yes, I remember do you alwayss have to be such a spoil sport?" I shoved her toward the door, and made a shoo hand gesture. She gaped like she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"Yeah, yeah I promise I'll make It up to you later. Go get the food already MOM." She sighed and walked out of the house, I turned and laughed while smiled broadly with my hands on my hips. "Another win for my amazing self!" When I opened my eyes America was staring at me? I stared back and furrowed my eyebrows "What Is It dude, do I have something on my face?"

He blinked then straightened up again. "No, I was just thinking about how your so different from everyone, your British one moment, then American the next, French another moment, Germaan another, and as creepy as the comiie bastard the next." I stared at him with why 'y u no notice sooner face?' Which If you don't know Is furrowed eyebrows, and squinting with you arm crossed.

"That's because I'm awesome, and diverse. Just like the school I went to!" I walked over to the couch and plopped down. I felt my stomach rumble painfully and I grripped my stomach "Huuunnnnggggrrrryyyyy." I whined, then I felt a body plop down next to me. I turned to look at America. He grinned "Wanna play videogames?" I looked at him "Nah, you play the collection sover' there," I pointed to the case of videogames.

He smiled with an 'awesome' then walked over to pick a game, which by then everyone accumelated In the same room. Gilbert sat to the right of me, France sat to the left of me, Russia sat In a chair, whicch I think he got from the Kitchen, Spain was sitting next to Gil and Pirate England sat next to Al on the floor. Austria and Matt were sitting next to each other next to France.

Al popped the game Into the playstation and I paled when I realized what game he was playing.

Resident evil: Apocolypse. _._

My guts Instantly dropped and I let out a small whimper. Gil seemed to notice though and looked over at me I must have looked bad because he started flipping out. My eyebrow started to twitch In fear as I stared at the game...suddely a giant ass fucking blood covers mutant jumped at the screen.

I screamed and jumped behind the couch.

"! _NONONONONONONONONONONONO!_ Turn It off turn It off turn It off! I don't want to !"

I started hyperventilating while clutching my head and rocking back and forth muttering to my-self. "Your not gonna die. Your not gonna die."

"." I shivered as my breathless fear filled voice filled the room with my nervous broken laugh as the horrifing new set of mental Images filled my brain.

Matt's POV

I was sitting next to Aus, while America was about to play a game or whatever. I was bored and watching, cause I didn't want to play right now. I realized the game was.

Fucking, Resident evil: Apocolypse.

I looked over to Rave quickly and widened my eyes In horror as I was to late.

He screamed and jumped behind the couch.

I screamed and jumped behind the couch.

"! _NONONONONONONONONONONONO!_ Turn It off turn It off turn It off! I don't want to !"

I sighed and sat down beside him, while everyone else was freaking out.

"O-oui? What Is wrong with Mon Cheri?" France muttered from the couch certainly worried.

Gil was freaking out beside him. He turned to me and launched Into a fit of questions I only caught one. "What wrong with him?" I placed a hand on his forehead and he slapped away Un-hinged and pressed his back against the couch. "Who the fuck are all of you go away! Leave me alone, I never did anything to deserve this! Why the fuck did I have to die todaaaayyyyy! It a fucking monday for god sakes!"

I sighed "He'll be fine In awhile horror games really freak him out, he's just so scared right now he won't listen to anything any of you say, and will responf violently to everything you do to him..the best thing to do right now Is get him a beer and leave him alone." Everyone nodded and rushed Into the kitchen.

Back to his POV

Monsters, monsters all around me. I whimpered as the tears trailed down my face, I was going to die and no one was going to do anything about It! I whimpered again and again as my breathing became Un-hinged. I heard sound around me then a hand touched my forehead I smaked It away and shouted some Incoherent words at whatever touched me. I heard more noises then all of a sudden at the monsters where gone.

I felt something rolling, then taped my foot. Ipicked up the cold object the sniffed, wiping the tears from my eyes "What's this?" I looked at the can shapped object as my vision cleared. I smiled smally then opened the can and took a small sip of the beer. I looked up to see a bunch of faces peering out of the Kitchen doorways at me.

I smirked and realized who they were. "H-hey G-guys, W-what's up?" I felt my voice break and become shaky. I stood up clutching the beer with both hands and laughed then sniffled again. "I-I F-fine now. Did a freak out because of a scary videogame again?" I tunred to Matt with the question and he hugged me and nodded.

"Yeah, you should have seen all the other guys faces, they were so scared." I grined at him again and nodded chuggind the beer. I threw It at Matt and smiled again. "Much better now~," I plopped down on the couch again and glared down at the cover to the game. "I hate those games so fucking much, what are the point of them! I knw they're rated T for Teen, but honestly what the fuck? When I was a teenager I never wanted to play those! Matty you remember, I would just thrown down the controler and say "Fuck this shit!" And stalk off?"

He laughed at my mini-rant knowing I only did It to make my-self forget my fear by Insulting as much as I can. "Yeah, It's weird your fine with killing games, but those games just freak you out completely...I remeber the first time It happened,..man I was so freaked I though you were dying or something!"

I laughed and grabbed his shoulder "I know I had nightmares for weeks after that! I remember how pissed you'd be when you woke up the next day and say I snuck In your bed over-night because I was so s-...I mean worried that some kind of shadow monster was gonna come out from somewhere and kill you, so you know I had to go and make you you were safe."

I laughed nervously and everyone rolled their eyes. I put my arms on my hips and laughed It off "Anyway, can we please watch a Disney movie, let's watch Finding Nemo or something like that!" Matt sighed knowing the precedure of how afterwards I'd want to watch a cheesey kids movie afterward to feel better about myself. He walked over and popped the DVD In the player and hit play.

I plopped down onto the couch nervously. I felt a weight hesitantly sit next to me "Your fine now just like that?" I turned to smile at Gil "Of course, If I wasn't strong all the time I wouldn't be able to keep you guys from killing your-self every five minutes." I tunred with the huge grin still on my face to the T.V. screen.

I frowned again as the baracuda scene came on, I gripped on to Gil arm. He realized and turned to me and I laughed nervously "You okay dude, you look a little scared?" He gave me a weird look then nodded "I'm fine...let go of my arm though, your going to amputate It!" I realesed my grip and sunk back Into the couch quickly with my hands up "Okay, okay sorry." I crossed my arms.

I felt a poke at my shoulder and I tunred to America. "Dude, your just like me," he whispered I furrowed my eyebrows "How so..?" He smiled "You don't like scaring things, you love fast food, and have to sleep In the same bed with someone after you get freaked out." I winced, he was right "I guess so, I never really noticed the comparison."

-Time Skip-

I heard the door open then an "I'm home, you fucking boggart! Come get your death food the two of you!" Me and America shot up and attacked Britney, we got the food and drinks miraculously not spilling a drop. I placed the drinks on the kitchen counter, Britney got us both the same thing.

Britney came through the door wobbly "What the bloody hell what that!" I smirkied at her "2 hours of hungriness coming out at once at the smell of blood filled hormne Inriched beef!" She seemed to lift her eyebrows up at this answer, probably the fact that It made sense. I took the food out of the box and placed everything together for each of our meals.

He took his to the table I took mine to the counter Island or something. I dove Into my fries straight away, because everyon whose anyone knows that Mcdonald's fries tatse awful when their cold. I stuffed a handful of them Into my mouth, when Britney just had to ask 'WHILE' I was eating of course "How can you stand to stomach that stuff?" I decided since she always asks me shit when I'm 'EATING' I'll just piss her off with the most annoying habit of mine shee hates.

"I toflh yfh tfhn alrfgy." She grimaced and Interrupted before I could throw more food on her face. "Don't speak with your bloody mouth full! How many times have I told you that!" I shrugged "Free...hunfred...thfand?" I tried guessing which obviously just made everything worse. "Shut-up and eat the rest of your food then talk!" I rolled my eyes descretly, like a fucking broken record with her.

I finished all my food and finished my Dr. pepper along with It. I was slurping my smoothie again when she just had to say something again. "I don't even think they make that 'THING' with real fruit, It's probably just lard with artificial fruit juice thrown In." I looked at her and smiled then replied "SlurpI, slurptold, slurpyou, slurpthat, slurpIt's, slurpawesome, slurpnow, slurpfuckoff!"

She grimaced again and pinched my cheek hard. "Language! And I said not to speak with something In your mouth!" I laughed then smirked "Then you should never talk..," she fumed and hit me up-side the head. I flew forward a bit then started rubbing my head. "How come when your INSULTING me, you stop drinking?"

I sent her a hafl-hearted glare then went back to sipping my smoothie with a potie face. I finished my smoothie and glared at her. "Why do YOU!" I made a fustrated hand gesture with my hands "Always fucking talk to me while I'm EATING! Provokatorer!" She huffed "Well maybe I wouldn't talk to you so much while your eating If I wasn't scarred you were going to shoke on that garbage!"

"Oh! OH!" I stomped around the Island counter. "No the bitch didn't!" I turned back to her "It's not garbage, and francally I'd rather eat garbage then your horrid cooking!" She stepped towards me red faced "It's not that bloody bad! Your always exaggerating!" I crossed my arms and shot her a glare that could make hell freeze over.

"Oh yeah?" I took a step toward her rearranging my metaforical 'Hat' "Well you remember that cake you made for me on my 17th birthday! I fed It to the dog Instead!" She gasped "Sprinkles! But they said he died of heart worms!" I smirked triumphantly "He might as well have, It would have been less painfully than eating that petrified couch suffing!" She huffed and grabbed my collar.

"How drae you, that cake recipe came from my deceased grandfather, you TWAT!" My eyes widened and I stomped Into the living room. I tunred around and yelled back at her "YEAH WELL IT STILL TATSED LIKE PETRIFIED COUCH STUFFING, AND BY THE WAY YOU HAVE A UNI-BROW!" She gasped and smacked a hand to her forehead In embarassment.

I slammed the door and stomped over to the couch then sat down roughly and crossed my arms with a sneer on my face huffing and muttering things under my breathe.

"Dude, are you alright?" I looked at him and narrowed my eys. "No, I'm not fucking alright, all she has ever done Is order me around my entire life. I've had enough of It, she can go die In a ditch someone where and I wouldn't even care!" I sniffed and turned to the left angrily. I heard a sigh then felt a hand on my shoulder I turned to look at him with my vision getting blurry with tears.

"You don't really mean that...," I huffed and glared at the T.V. I felt the tears escape my eyes "I know I do, she always berates me for my behavoir, she always tries to change she such a nag!" He sighed again then took a deep breathe.

"She just does that because she cares so much about you...your probably like a younger brother to her and she only wants to protect you from critisiam, so that you don't feel bad afterwards."

I looked at him skeptically "Really?" He smiled and gave me a reassuring nod "Really."

I stood up and rubbed the back of my neck staring at the Kitchen door. I felt him push me towards the door. "Go on, go get 'em." I smiled back at him and walked Into the Kitchen.

America's POV

I smiled as I watch Britney and Rave hug, this was a nice feeling. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Iggy. My eyes widened, then I blushed and looked to the left "Man, you didn't hear any of that did you?" He smirked and nodded. "Everyone word 'lad, every word."

I laughed and rubbed the back of my head laughing nervously "Oh man, seriously? That's so embarassing." I was pulled Into a hug before I could say another word.

"Thank ye, for what you said."

I hugged him back and smiled "You raised me well. What can I say?"

We both laughed and watched the two kiss and make up, giant smiles on our faces.

Okay, I hate scary mystery horror/jump out at you, scary music playing videogames. They freak me out and I won't play them I just won't. I'm sorry about the sappy cliche ending of this chapter. I think It ended okay though, now at the end I don't love the pairing USUK, and only for one reason the whole Belarus/Russia theory, there kind related so It gross. I don't like the pairing either so get that out of you heads.

I just thought like father/son sweet moment, ya perves!

Alright, I'm happy If you enjoyed the chapter

...

If you didn't, you can go die a very painful horrible death Invovled with hot coals shoved Into your Inside, then sown back up. Aftrwards you get doubly anally penetrated If you a guy and vaginally If your a girl, get pregnant somehow and die In an alley over your shoes.

^J^ thank you for reading!


	13. I hate Britney now

**Author's Note: **Wow, I've been making alot of chapees~. Well I hope you enjoy this thing what can I say.

Chapter 13 - I fucking hate Britney now...

I was sitting down on the couch sipping on some sweet tea, OMG I LOVE SWEET TEA! Wow, random derp moment, okay anyway I sat the giant mug on the coffee table, because I a BOSS! Again, random derp 'what Is wrong me me mummy!'

'Your daddy raped you as a child'

'e.o'.

Wow, I can't believe I just had that conversation In my head, and It was FUCKING CALM!

I sighed and was about to get up when-

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

I stopped what I was doing and FUCKING FLIPPED THE TABLE! No, I didn't but wouldn't that have been awesome! I trudged over to the door and wrenched It opened. "Yeah..," I growled, hey I was tired and Britney decided no-a-bed-for-youoooo! I still resented her but ah! I love her! Anyway, the delivery guy gave me the clipboard and, well I signed It...what do you want from me peepal! Oh, I suppose this guy handed me a clipboard I'll shove It up me' arse, WHY NOT!

Ahem.

I handed him the clipboard back and he handed me the manuel and I read the title, like you do when you have to fucking read something!

**LUDWIG KALTHERZIG: USER GUIDE AND MANUEL**

I hugged the manuel to my chest and cried...

LIKE A MAN!

I wiped at the tears as the delivery guy pushed the crate Into the hallway. I sighed and he left "Your pretty lucky, man..," I sighed "Thank-you, you know for doing your job and not fucking It up by bringing me a crazy one." IS WHAT I WOULD'VE SAID. But politness won out, like It always does. I said "Thanks," and shut the door In his face.

What?...you gotta meet me here hallfway people!

I walked up to the stairs and yelled. "Hey, Gaybert! Come wake your brother up!" He practically appeared Infront of me "West?" He said hopefully. I frowned "No, your other brother you know the blue one kinda looks like a slow Obama, of course It's Germany you dumbass!" He frowned at me and was about to yell when we both heard.

"OH PLEASE BRUDER, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!"

I flinched at the loud voice. Wow, I guess he has like spider sense when Gil's about flop out a phsycotic rant about how he's so 'awesome'. I sighed and turned to the snarling blonde "Oh, heyo there go my dumb blonde jokes, right out the fucking window. No they'll didn't jump out a window they might as well jumped off the Empire State building, cause they're DEAD, like dead, dead."

I walked away while I was saying this and stopped once I found Matt.

I ran over him and started shaking him "Alert the media dumb blonde jokes don't work In Germany!" He furrowed his eyebrows at my strange behavoir, then groaned. "Oh my good god, you haven't had any sleep yet have you?" I nodded, not knowing what that had to do with anything. "You know you act stupid and crazy when you sleep deprived." I smiled and twirled around.

I stopped and looked at him "Omg, I wanna have pasta...pastapastapastapastapasta." I ran down the stairs and In the Kitchen screaming "PASSSSTTTTTAAAAA~!" Apparently In a convincing accent because Germany came trolling In for Italy, I got out a big ass pot and began to fill It with water. I turned on the stove then plopped It on there, then turned around to see Germany. I blinked, I swear when I'm sleep deprived I act like cleverbot In a conversation.

This Is how the conversation with Germany went I shit you not.

"ohlo! How are you!"

"I'm...fine are you making pasta?"

"I am, where's your bruder?"

"He's In the living room."

"Ah, Is It true?"

"Is what true?"

"You wanna know If the 4 meters rumors true?"

"Uh...sure?"

"More like mili."

"Pffffttttt. I can see why he would want to hide that."

"Yeah, anyway I wanna pasta, now...why does boiling water takes so long~."

"If you have enough patience..I'm sure It will boil evetually."

"Va? I vant It to voil now.."

"Are you speaking In a Russian accent?"

"Ohhhh, I love Vodka!"

"Yes, and I love beer."

"Oh? Is that a girls name or boys name?"

"...!"

Matt patted a shoulder on the weird mans hand and said the most strangest thing. "He's In cracked mode right now, It's all from sleep deprivation...just wait until he gets some sleep and I think you'll like his personality more." The strange man sighed "I hope so..," I cocked my head to the side then grinned opened mouth.

I walked over to Mattie and started poking his cheek.

"Poke..,"

"Stop that..,"

"Poke, poke, poke...Ve~ your cheek's soft."

"Please?"

"Poke, poke, poke."

*BITCH SLAP PATTY WACK GIVE A DOG A BONE!*

I held my cheek In pain, then started crying and running away, I hit someone though. I looked up and teared In relief. Britney. I cried Into her chest "Britney~, Britney~! Mattie slapped me In the face then I ran away all crying and I found you...and you need to help me~!" She sighed and walked back to the Kitchen.

I whimpered when I saw Matt and strangey man again. "Matt, did you hit him?" He looked down at me and I turned to hide behind Birtney. "Yeah, I did but the fucking guy's delusional..he's In his stupid cracked mode again." I heard Britney sigh then apologize for what I did, she then began to turn back to me and give me a half-hearted scolding. I grinned brightly and hugged her.

"I know, your the best Britney. I'm glad your my friend~." To which Britney blushed slightly then pried her-self off me. I let her go reluctantly and raised my eyebrows In worry when she left. I turned back to strangey guy and Mattie again. "V-ve~? I-I...Do I really act so badly like this?"

Matt sighed and nodded "It's fine Rav, you just get out of hand and become easily hysterical It's nothing to worry about." I grinned widely and hugged Matt tightly. "You my best friend ever too Mattie~, I hope you know that~!" He laughed and pulled me off of him, and I smiled at strangey man.

"And what's your name Mr. Stranger?" He sighed and stood up "I'm Lugwig Kaltherzig...and you are?" I smiled widely "I'm Rave Hatter, but you can call me Rav!" I said while pointing to my-self. He sighed I laughed and walked out of the Kitchen...well tried to.

When the flipping Aoi Oni monster sprung at me I screamed really highpitched

"OHMYMOTHERFUCKIT'SANICECREAMTRUCK!" I grabbed onto the nearest body I could find which happened to be Ludwig. I hugged his middle as tight as I could.

"Helpme! Idonwantodieeeeehieeeeee! Somebodyhelpme!" I could only sit there and shake my head back and forth while crying I looked up and realized It was...just...Britney...with a mask...oh fucking hell.

"You motherfucking BITCH! I'm going to kill you do you understand K- to the fucking ill you! I'll rip open your stomach with my bare hands and shove hot coals Into your bowls then sew them shut! I'll kill you!" I screamed at her, she stood slightly afraid.

I sighed deeply and took a shaky breathe "Wat the fuck just happen?" Britney laughed and replied "You were In 'cracked' mode so I know the only way to get you out of It was to scare you, and I remeber how much you hate this game."

She pulled up the mask and I flinced then slapped It out of her hand. "Don't do It again, you know how freaked out I get...let's not forget that one time I went rampaging through the house breaking stuff, and cursing cause I was looking for 'The mask demon'." She sighed and looked to the left "I remember, we had to throw a cold blanket on you to get you to calm down."

I sighed shakily recalling the memory. I looked to the stove and furrowed my eyebrows "Who was boiling water?" Ludwig replied "You did, you get saying you hated how long water takes to boil..," I poked my head with my finger "Oh yeah, for some reason when I get really screwed up I start acting like a Italian...I think It has something to do with my distant grandfather..he was full blood Italian."

Britney looked at me shocked while Ludwig just started at me like nothing new happened. I had a weird feeling he's dealt with this kinda behavoir before.

I sighed and gripped the bridge of my nose with my Index finger and thumb. I looked up and gave an apologetic half smile "Sorry...I kind act out whack when I don't have my sleep jack." I went out of the room Into the kitchen and sat down Infront of the T.V. "Britney!"

"Yes!" She asked I hugged my knees to my chest and gave my best 'BE A MAN' face. "Get Al down here I wanna get over my fear of Horrror videogames." Her eyes widened and then she finally found her voice "A-are you sure?" I nodded and sighed "It Is foolish to be scared of something that can not phsyically hurt you...I don't want to have such a weakness, please call Al down."

She gawked. "I see your German heritage Is coming out again Isn't It?" I looked at her then after awhile I gave a shrug. "I dont know, but I have this uncontrolable urge to clean 'EVERYTHING' In this house...and I don't know why...just call Al down now please?"

She sighed then yelled up the stairs. "Al! Get down here Rav wants to get over his fear of horror games and he needs your help!"

-Time skip-

I jumped up and pointed at the screen "How In the FUCK! Is that possible, how can a two headed baby even walk If the combined weight of the heads! It'd be constantly falling over. Not to mention It's a fucking todler! How the hell can It even spit acid!" I yelled from behind the couch with a whimper lacing my voice.

I was gripping my head hard so I couldn't hear the demonic screams of the EVIL! Evil, toddler.

"Hey at least you've mad progress over the past 5 hours, your not screaming and freaking out!"

I glared at the American over the couch, that glare quickly disappeared as I noticed the giant blood covered mutated monster on the screen.

"AHHHH! OH MY GOOD GOD! GRAPHIC, GRAPHIC! HOW DO THEY EVEN SELL THIS TO TEENAGERS! THAT WHOLE GAME IS SUCH A FUCKING MIND FCUK! IT'S NOT NATURAL!"

"They're mutant monsters dude they're not supposed to be natural!"

I let out a high pitched cry "THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY LESS SCARY, FUCKING DUMBASS AMERICAN!"

"Hey!"

I wrapped my arms around my head as the grenades went off, someone thought It was a good idea to turn the volume, all the way fucking up! I whimpered and sniffed. I crawled around the couch and pressed the pause button on the controler.

I sniffed again "I give up, this Is to hard...I'll never get over them...I can live with It though."

America looked down at me sadly, and I plopped down on the ground with a thud.

"Alright If you say so dude..," I sighed loudly and muttered "I'm so tired...," The American heard me obviously. "Then why don't you go to your room and sleep?" I looked at him with tears In my eyes and scowled. "No! Bescause If I move the monsters will know I'm alive and eat my flesh...do you want me to die!" I sniffed and he looked down at me sorry.

"Dude, no monsters are going to get you...afterall I'm the Hero! And no one gets hurt while the HERO'S on watch!" I sniffed and held up my arms "Will you carry me to my room...I can't feel my legs..," I muttered with a slight blush. He smiled and sweft me up bridal style. I frowned 'It's totally girly, but okay I can play this off manly' I shifted so my head was thown back and I staring at the ceiling then adjusted my feet Into a crossed position.

I looked badass.

...yeah I so didn't you can't look manly, while another GROWN ASS MAN carries you to your bed bridal style. He sat me down on the bed and turned to leave. I sat up quickly and grabbed his sleeve. He turned to looke at me with surprise In his eyes. I looked down blushing furiously, how the hell could I go about asking this! "U-uhm...," I felt him softly tug his sleeve out of my grip then walks over to the other side of the bed.

I shoot him a crooked grateful grin, he smiles and lies back against the bed. I lie back against my pillow as well, and fell asleep quickly.

-Time Skip-

I opened my eye blearly and sat up slowly In bed, I looked to my left quickly and found America still there snoring softly. I smile and look at the clock on my nightstand which read: 5:00 PM. I sigh and stand up stretching slightly and staring out the window. Then I felt arms wrap around my waist and I froze.

Then I felt a smirk being buried Into my head and the trademark "Kesesesesesesese, what are you doing?" I stared at the sunset Interestingly. "I'm watching the sunset, It's funny but I could never really pay attention much In Science class to know what causes a sunset. I think It's looks pretty where ever you are though, I like that things like that stay simple and are certain to almost never change."

Then my brain cabels connected and I realized what I just said and the personality of the guy hugging me. "Kesesesesesese~," and by that I think he got It too. I sighed and turned around with a happy amused smile on my face. "You know that's not what I meant that was just a coincidence." He smiled "A happy coincidence?"

I smirked and kissed him lightly on the cheek "Maybe~."

I laughed and broke free of his grip "Come on, let's go everyone much be facetabling without to figure out what's for dinner." He laughed and followed me "Yeah, who wouldn't know what to do without the Awesome me there?"

I snorted and shot him a grin "Everyone~."


	14. Simularities, and laughes galore!

**Autho's note**: I know the simularities to the characters of Hetalia and to my OC characters, but I swear da' god they are this similar! I know It freaks me out as well! Anyway I have another comparison In this one and also 2 new OC's coming. And you may learn something new about my OC Rave. The events In this story have nothing to do with My new life as a Nation so I hope you like It! XP!

Chapter 14 - Similarities and laughes galore!

I was sitting In my favorite plushie armchair, It's pale brown leather, so you sink In It when you sit. It's my favorite chair, MY FAVORITE CHAIR. I was sitting In It like I always do, reading a book and drinking my tea. I let out a sigh and shifted my legs and sank In the couch flipping another page when.

"Rav, you have to come quick!"

That was Mattie's voice, I was still reading my book bored as ever when he so rudely Interrupted. I sighed again and asked In an equally bored and exasperated tone.

"Why?"

He sighed then groaned, an obvious sign of fustration. "Because, It's a life or death situation. You have to come fast. Please!" I looked up at him for the first time since this whole bizarre conversation started. My gaze must have been un-nerving because he was shifting his weight around nervously. I looked back at the book then back to him.

"But, I'm reading...," He sighed and grunted. "You, come quickly or else your going to have two dead bodies on your hands." I sighed and stood up "Alright If you Insist." I was walking at a moderately fast speed, when he jerked on my arm and practically _dragged_ me to the scene before me now.

The Pirate and the French frog were fighting.

I looked at the battle scene, possibly even more bored than I was downstairs. "And, this Is a life or death situation because...?" He slapped me on the back towards the two bickering adults, I don't say fellow because their stupid of course. I cleared my throat and tried to get their attention. No dice.

So...like any normal person would do, I slapped then both up-side the head. _Hard_.

"Ow!"

"Le' ow!"

I laughed, guess which one was which? I looked at them both then sighed tiredly. "You two...will stop fighting while under my roof. Do you understand?" Both of them grunted out a reply.

"Yes, first mate but I'll only do It because you asked me to."

"Yes, and I will because you asked me too as well. Mon cheri~."

I rolled my eyes at the cutsey nickname. "I'm not anyone's...," I grimaced. "_Darling_ anything got It, call be Rave, or Rav. Anything else with be un-acceptable and I will not respond no matter how much you pester me. That Is all." I turned and left, but not before I heard a certain French accent call after me.

"I love you too, Mon cheri~."

I grimaced and kept walking, but then my cellphone started ringing and 'high school never ends' blared from my back pocket. I picked It up and glared at the name on the screen before picking It up and answering.

"Allo?"

Yeah, my badass German accent powers kicking In. "Oh, hiya Ravy poo!" I grimaced at the nickname. "I told you not to call me that, Mika." I could practically hear the pout he was making. "Oh, but Ravey wavey. You know I love these nicknames don't take that away from me!" I sighed, I could never say no to Mika..he was like a little brother to me.

I knew Mika since we were kids, he was always bugging me and he was kinda annoying, but the way how he always wanted my attention. He always wanted my opnion, he looked up to me and I loved him...In a brother way what can I say? I laughed and replied "Alright, but just don't go crazy, okay?"

He laughed and said the three most awful words he could ever say.

"I'm coming over!"

I felt the despair sink In my stomach like an anchor. "W-what?" I said shakily, he laughed "I said I'm coming over, what are you getting old on me or something!?" I laughed "No I heard you, but you can't come over." Oh god the pouty face was back "Why not~!" Why not? WHY NOT!? Why not?...I don't know why not..I have no good reason whatsoever.

"I...don't part-."

"I'm gonna bring Tiny over~."

I laughed happily "Really~!?" I could hear the smile on the other line.

"Yes, so can I come over now!?" I laughed and smiled "Of course!"

"Oh yeah, also I have someone else here who's coming along with me!"

I froze...he couldn't mean, no It's Impossible...he can possibly mean. "U-um, Mika you don't mean-."

"Yeah! Here he wants to talk to you!"

I grimaced as I heard the phone being fumbled. I heard breathe on the other line and grimaced.

"Bonjour! Mon amour~!"

I scowled even deeper as I felt bile rise In my throat.

_**"NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU COMING TO THIS HOUSE, SNAIL SLURPER! NO FUCKING WAY POSSIBLE DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME YOU COME HERE! YOUR GOING TO BE LEAVING IN A BODY BAG UNDERSTOOD!?"**_

I hung up the phone and shut It roughly with a growl and grunt In annoyance. "U-uh, Rave?" I turned to the voice that Intrrupted my thoughts of ''. I saw everyone was gathered around In the living room with look of worry/confusion on their faces. America paled to practically translucent at my glare.

"W-w-w-who, w-was t-that?"

My glare Intensified as I sucked In a harsh breathe. I counted down from 10 though and almost, _almost_ lost all of my anger. "_No one of bloody Importance that's for damn sure."_ I growled out and since my voice was kinda gravely from all the yelling I've been doing lately, I even scarred _my-self_ with how bloody scary It was.

I turned to look at everyone, even bloody Russia was shivering slightly.

I gulped and sighed.

"U-uh, Britney?...um...Mika Is coming over...along with you know...," I looked down at the floor mournfully. She snorted "Oh and let me guess he pulled that pouty shit on you again, your such a pushover when It comes to that kid. And I know you've hated that guy since you were In Pre-K...but come on, I can't believe you still hate that guy."

I turned to her and glared. "_that prick, Is not anything else but a pervert an ass, and a million other things I'd rather not speak of In front of Mio bambino."_

Britney paled, she's probably never seen me this mad before, but when she does It's like a swiss at a gun muesum, all kinds of hell. I sniffed and picked Feli from Matt's grasp and walked Into the kitchen muttering curse words.

Britney's POV

"Well, shit...he's pissed." Everyone turned to look at me like 'no fucking duh!'

I laughed nervously at the questioning looks everyone was giving. "U-um I'm guessing you'll all be wanting an explanation?" Ludwig, I let out a breathe of relief, the voice of reason spoke up first.

"Um, perhaps you should start at who this character Is, and why Rave hates him so much."

I sighed "Fucking million dollar question, I don't know why they still fight my-self, I just think they fight for the sake of fighting. When they got older though I think that excalated to confused fondness of each other, and now since their grown up, well let's just say that's an ass load of sexual tension they're sitting on."

I paused for breathe and continued "So, this 'character' Is French, he met Rave In Pre-k, but they always had the habit of running In to each other. Weither It was at the movies, the supermarket, school. They were In most of their classes with each other, I don't think I can remember..I don't think those to have ever been In the same room as one another without at least getting In a fist-fight."

I sighed they were ridiculous, always fighting for no good reason. I think even they forgot what they were fighting over somewhere along the line. "And, now apparently they're going to meet again...well I'll have to warn you It's going to be A LOT louder In this house." Everyone winced at this.

Prussia spoke up next.

"Who's Mika?"

I smiled "Mika's kinda like...how should I put tthis a little brother to Rave. Every since high school they've been very good friends...Rave has a soft spot for him, he can't ever stay mad at Mika. No matter what happens...I think Mika could even shoot Rave, and Rave would forgive him. Stupid I know but It's true. Also there Is the matter of Tiny..."

"Tiny?" Everyone sang In unision.

Just then.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

Rave's POV

I went Into the kitchen to look for some beer In the fridge. Hey don't get whiney to me about drinking In front of kids, he's Italian they let their kids drink wine at three! I pulled out a beer and popped open the top. I went to take a sip of It when I heard the dreaded sound.

**BANG. BANG. BANG.**

I rushed up to the door as fast as I could sidestepping Britney. I wrenched the door open only to be tackled to the ground by a crazy, stalker, pervert.

"HEY GET OFF ME YOU FRENCH PERVERT-OHWAH! HEY, WERE DO YOU THINK YOUR PUTTING YOUR HAND!"

I kneed the offending Frenchman In the crotch, and got up to dust my-self off when I got tackled glomped again by a giant German shepard/rotweiler short hair. I laughed and petted the dog's head.

"Tiny! I've missed you so much! How's my favorite man doing!" I hugged him tight while he barked.

I laughed and stood up only to be tackle glomped again by a certain brown haired air headed German. I blushed and tried to shove Mika off me, un-sucessfully I might add, while freaking out.

"Oh! Jesus christ Mika get off me! First that bloody wanker and now you what the bloody hell Is wrong with the world today?"

Mika laughed then pulled off me and helped me up.

"Oh, come on big Bruder you know you love It~."

I blushed and gaped at my 'little brother'. "First of all I'm not your older bruder, we're not even related! Second of al-mphf!." Mika slapped a hand over my mouth, and I glared at him he leaned closer and whispered In my ear.

"Why are they're other people and your house? most of them GUYS I might add, staring at us?"

I pushed his hand off my mouth and made sure he was a respectable distance away from me. I looked over to the others then back at my 'family'. I shrugged and sighed "Guys this Is Mika, and that worthless excuse of a human being on the floor Is Alan." I looked to Mika and laughed.

"Mika, this Is what I call a messed up dysfunctional family." I laughed and placed an arm around his shoulders and poked the Frenchman with my foot roughly. "Get up you bloody boggart, I know your fine. God knows I've done worst to you than that." He was up In a flash, Alan has blonde hair and deep pale jade colored eyes

I snorted at him. "Great now the whole house Is going to reek of your cheep perfume, ya fag." He just smiled at me and gave me a bear hug. "I love you too, Rave~," I felt his hand get lower, then pulled back roughly and kicked his shin and slapped him HARD. "Oh, you wound me, Rave," he clutched his heart the other rubbing his face.

"Why do you not accept my love willingly, Mon amour~!?"

I snorted as the fake tears started rolling down his cheeks. I walked away.

"Yeah, yeah. Give It a rest you damned Frenchman. Do what your good at and make dinner."

I saw a blonde blur rush to the kitchen out of my line of sight.

"Of course! I will cook for everyone, anything for you Mon amour~!"

I laughed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know." I sat down on the couch and flipped through the channels slightly disgruntled. Then I smiled widely while laughing loudly.

"Oh Britney~! I wanna listen to the stereotype song!"

I heard a crash then a grunt In annoyance "WHY DO YOU LIKE THAT GOD AWFUL SONG!?"

I laughed loudly "OH COME ON BRITNEY! IT'S AN AWESOME SONG, I DON'T SEE WHY YOU DON'T LIKE IT~. AND I DON'T LIKE IT I LOVE IT~!" I shouted Into the kitchen.

I strode over to the stereo system and popped In a CD. I turned back around before I hit play. All the Units were In the living room. I laughed evily "PERFECTIATO!" I turned back around turned the volume up and pressed 'play'.

The classic music started playing and I saw Austria relax with a small smile on his face he looked at me and flinched.

I just smirked at him and shook my head slowly as a deep throaty chuckle bubbled In my throat.

"Hey Alan! Come and dance with me~!" I swear that Frenchman was right In front of me In two seconds, the classic bit was about to end so I pushed him to the side of me. "Follow my lead, Oui?" He nodded smiling happily as the classical music began to slow. I smirked.

"you know..I've always thought stereotypes were kinda rediculous...,"

I smirked at all of them "So I wrote a little song about It."

I laughed gidy with joy. "And It goes a little something like this!" I started clapping my hands together and slightly swishing my hips to the music.

"Oh I THINK I LOVE YA' MORE THAN THE JAPANESE LOVE TENACLE PORN!" I smiled and pointed at Korea who was blushing like mad.

I grabbed Alan's hand and placed my hands on his waist and shook him around a bit to the music that was blaring.

"And WE SHOULD JUST DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, D-D-DANCE. TO THESE STEREOTYPES~!"

I laughed and let him go then went back to clapping and doing a small dance. Smiling all the while.

"LET'S COME TOGETHER AND LIVE IN THIS WORLD, LIKE A-UNIBROW ON AN INDIAN GIRL!"

I grabbed Alan again and started dancing with him again.

"And WE SHOULD JUST DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, D-D-DANCE, TO THESE STEREOTYPES~!"

I laughed and let go of Alan, after I let go of him he goes back to dancing the same way, right next to me. I smiled and did a funny hand motion.

"Check It out now~!"

I pointed to America and smirked at his expression, he was laughing his ass off and smiling like the most happiest guy alive.

"I love those fat Americans, you know they so obnoxious, they always eatin' burgers. And holdin' shotguns!"

I laughed as the words left my mouth. I was a good singer!

I pointed to Spain and laughed. "And I love Mexicans, the way they mow my lawn!." I laughed again, this was so much fun!

"They all gotta hundred kids, cause they don't know how to put a condom on!" I laughed and made a lewd hand gesture with my arm before going back to my clapping and a small dance.

"AHAH~ Cause that's the way they roll~. You gotta go big like an Israeleo!"

I laughed as the catchy beat punded behind me.

I laughed and pointed at Pirate. He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows and a confused expression on his face.

"Ya' ever buy a pint for an Irish guy~!" His face Immiadately fell. "And their outta control, like a..," I pointed to Korea. "A Chinese driver~!"

"I love the middle east but how do they handle rockin' sandals while they're ridin' camels~!?"

the weird throat thing came on and I laughed.

"I love Jamaicans. Yeah they cool! But they always high so don't let them fool you!"

"Yeah man!"

I smiled still clapping along to the beat loudly and doing my small dance, with Alan beside me doing the same thing.

"And I love them Puerto Ricans, even though they...about once a weekend!" I let the song fill In that part.

"HAHA, I'm just joking In case you didn't know! THEN YOUR A LITTLE SLOW AND YOUR PROBABLY FROM POLAND!" I laughed at all their faces which were amused.

"Oh!" I pointed to Korea. "I THINK I LOVE YA' MORE THAN THE JAPANESE LOVE TENACLE PORN!"

I turned to Alan and started dancing with him again. "And we should DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, D-D-DANCE, TO THESE STEREOTYPES~!"

I went back to my dance and laughed. "LET'S COME TOGETHER, AND LIVE IN THIS WORLD. LIKE A UNIBROW ON AN INDIAN GIRL!"

I turned back to Alan and started dancing with him again. "And we should DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, D-D-DANCE, TO THESE STEREOTYPES!"

I went back to my dance, whew I was getting a little tired but don't worry the song's almost over.

"AWWWHHH, YEAH! LET ME HEAR YA' SHOUT! If you love the out-back! Red-neck Australian!" I turned and pointed at Pirate again. "And the broken ass teeth of an english dude!" I turned to Spain again and pointed. "And the creepy ass Italians who think their smooth!" I started laughing again and went back to my dance and clapped along with the beat.

"MAMA MIA!"

"Oh," I turned to France. "HOW COULD ANYONE HATE THE FRENCH. YEAH I KNOW THEIR HAIRY WOMEN DON'T SHAVE THEIR PITS."

I laughed and went back to singing.

"Now, The brazilian girls, that's what you want!" I let the singer sing the next part but I mouthed It. "Walking around with that huge badonka donk." -Insert wolf whistle here-.

"I love Africans, but hold up a second, national geographic say they all butt-naked."

I laughed and smiled.

"Breasts hangin' low. WHAT HAVE THEY DONE WITH THEIR CLOTHES!? They disappeared like coke up a clumbian's nose!"

I laughed harder and continued to clap along enthusiactically.

I looked at them all and swept my pointer finger across the room. "UH-OH! Your all on my check list!" I pointed at Russia and laughed. "Even Russian guys who DRINK VODKA FOR BREAKFAST!"

"Oh, the stereotypes and If you believe them! Your brain Is small like a-." I pointed to Korea laughing my ass off as the singer sang "KOREAN PENIS~."

I laughed and went back to clapping along the beat.

"OH, I THINK I LOVE YA' MORE THAN THE JAPANESE LOVE TENACLE PORN!"

Both me and Alan started dancing. We both sang In unison.

"And we SHOULD DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, D-D-DANCE! TO THESE STEREOTYPES~!"

I smiled and laughed again. "Oh, LET'S ALL COME TOGETHER AND LIVE IN THIS WORLD! LIKE A-UNIBROW ON AN INDIAN GIRL!"

I started clapping to my left and right over and over again. "AND WE SHOULD DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, D-D-DANCE! TO THESE STEREOTYPES!"

I laughed.

"ALL TOGETHER NOW!" Surprisingly everyone joined In and It matched the gruff voices on the song.

"I love scottsmen, though they hump sheep!"

"I love scottsmen, though they hump sheep!"

"I love scottsmen, though they hump sheep!"

"I love scottsmen, though they hump sheeeeeeeeeeppppppppp~!"

"Yeah, they hump sheeeeepppppp!"

"They hump sheeeepppp~!"

"They hump sheeeepppppppppp~!"

I laughed at the chorus of 'yeahs!' and 'that was greats!' I started clapping again and everyone shut-up to hear the rest of the song.

"I THINK I LOVE YOU MORE, THAN THE JAPANESE LOVE TENCALE PORN!"

I grabbed Alan again and danced with him.

"And we SHOULD DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, D-D-DANCE! TO THESE STEREOTYPES!"

I made a gesture for everyone to start singing along and they did with laughter lacing their voices!

"LET'S ALL COME TOGETHER AND LIVE IN THIS WORLD, LIKE A UNIBROW ON AN INDIAN GIRL!"

"AND WE SHOULD DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, DANCE, DANCE. TO THESE STEREOTYPES!"

I laughed and stopped singing.

"I'm just playin' you know I love you guys!" I walked over to them and flashed them a huge grin, then that dissappeared to a serious look.

"But serious though, don't hump any sheep."

I laughed as the 'baaaa!' sounded from the stereo before Alan turned It off.


	15. Mother Russia?

**Author's Note: **Hey guys! What'd I say about everyone's getting a couple? I mean everyone no one gets left alone! I always hated that about harem Animes, everyone else Is alone after you choose! . NO MORE! I say everyone be happy and no one be left alone, BY DECLARATION OF MOTHER RUSSIA! Anyway, this one Is going to be long the song previous was a must-do-now, type of moment.

The only thing I own Is what I wright and my characters everything else belongs to everyone else. (i.e. the song, refrences, and types of behavoir!)

Chapter 15 - Mother Russia?

I was sitting down at the table eating what Alan had made for us. It happened to be crepes with strawberries and whipped cream...damn frenchman knows I have a weakness for strawberries. I ate slowly with a poker face on, then I just had to hear from the right of me "How Is It Mon Amour~."

I froze...

I looked down at my food and looked up Into Alan's peircing jade green eyes. I furrowed my eyebrows "strawberries...tatse good In anything...It's good I suppose." He then tackled me to the floor just as I had put the last bite of crepe In my mouth.

I sputtered and realized I felt hands going up my shirt and they were _cold_ like _fuck cold_. I pushed him away and whined. "Get off Alan! Your hands are cold! Ah, stop that! Cold, cold, cold, cold!"

I kneed him In the crotch again and glared down at him.

"YOU FUCKING IMBECILE! WHEN I SAY NO!" I kicked him In the side. "I _MEAN_ NO! JUST LIKE YOU TO USE PEOPLE'S WEAKNESS AGAINST THEM, YOUR PLAYING DIRTY POOL, FUCKTARD! DIRTY POOL!"

I stomped out of the kitchen and rubbed my hands across my sides roughly. I don't like It being too cold, you know...well I like cuddling but I love extremely cold weather! You get to dress up In warm clothes and coats and scarves "Ahhh...," see, I get realaxed just THINKING about It! I wrapped my arms around my-self protectively.

Then I heard 'Light my heart' being played from In my front pocket.

I stiffened and grabbed the phone Immiadately, but It was too late.

"What was that, comerade?"

I turned around to see Ivan staring down at me from behind the couch like_ right_ behind the couch. I coughed and pointed to my phone where the music was coming from, he nodded. I sighed.

"Light my heart, that's what the song Is called."

He sat down next to me and I flipped the phone open and heard the most wonderful news of my life!

"Mother Russia?"

I smiled and gaped at the phone.

"старший брат?" I beathed out totally speechless. It was my older brother! Right..the Russian well...me and my older brother are very close...he was actually the _real_ son to our parents. I'm just his half-brother...my parents left me at an orphanage In England...and along came my older brother's family.

They adopted me and...my real parents were German and english, but I was the son my mother didn't want apparently. My legal parents were both Russian along with my older brother, my older brother was old enough to handle the story of why I was brought to his home, and my unfortuante circumstances.

My older brother felt sympathy for me and was very protective..I guess you could say he was a deliquent...and I was the son that was never noticed. His mother hated me, and my brother's father died. Mother Russia Is a pet name for me my older brother gave to me when I was three.

He would always get Into fights and I would bandage him up, so we have a close-knit type of thing going on.

"Oh geez, why are you calling nothing bad happened to you right?" I said with worry obviously In my words. He chuckled.

"Nyet, I'm coming over to live with you for awhile I got kicked out of my apartment complex."

"Oh, please don't tell me you got kicked out for fighting again!" God I sounded like lichtenstein at this point. I laughed nervously.

"Okay, but um брат?" I could hear the smile In his voice "Yes, Mother Russia?"

"There are...people over here..I'm not saying their Isn't enough room for you, but! Um, Mika, Britney, Matt, and Alan are here..."

Oh I could _see_ the purple aura coming from the phone.

"If that Alan brat tries anything...he will know the full power of the blunt end of my baseball bat."

I laughed "Oh, no! Alan hasn't done anything that bad! Um, It's just that...there are more people here..."

He grunted "How many?"

"Um, well there's Al, Aus, Gil, Arthur...um Li, Francis...Antonio, Feli but he's a child, and Ivan. But that's It!"

The other end of the line was silent for a long time.

"Ivan? He Is Russian, yes? Put him on the phone."

"O-okay...um Ivan брат wants to talk to you." I handed the phone to the Russian, who If he was confused he sure didn't show It.

The conversation continued In Russian, but I'll translate It for you.

"Privet! Вы Rave старшего брата я не знал, что ты русский?" (Hello! You are Rave's older brother I had no Idea you were Russian!)

"Да? Все хорошо здесь! Perfect. Нет, не с касаться товарища я вокруг." (Oh? Everything Is fine here! Perfect. No, no one with be touching comrade with I am around.)

"Конечно, я буду заботиться о своем младший брат пока вы не получите здесь. Не беспокойтесь." (Of course I will take care of your little brother until you get here. No worries.)

"до свидания!" (Goodbye.)

He handed the phone back to me and I closed It and placed It back In my pocket.

"Your brother Is Russian?"

I laughed and turned to him. "Yeah, him and his family are very Russian...actually their the closest thing to the stereotype of Russian. He has a big sister too, but she's very...unique...eheh...but she mved away and I don't hear from her very much."

Ivan got a weird look on his face then patted my shoulder, but he didn't remove It.

"I know how you feel comerade...but I'm confused, why does your older brother call you Mother Russia?"

I blushed and laughed nervously, then when the arkward silence became to much to bear I answered.

"Um, It's just a pet name he gave me when we were kids, It's just a pet name...um wait that sounded wrong a nickname I guess? He used to get In a lot of fights when he was younger so I would tend to his wounds and the name just stuck." The rest of the sentence ended In nervous laughter.

"Comerade talks a lot when he Is nervous, da?" I felt a body pressed up against me, then I realized while we were talking, HE WAS FUCKING INCHING CLOSER TO ME! But, he's scary when he's like this...mostly I'll be fine when we talk, but when he wants to freak you out. HE'LL FUCKING FREAK YOU OUT!

"U-um...y-yeah It's a nervous habit really...eheheheheheheheh."

I didn't know what else to do I started laughing nervously, with no end In sight. Blushing like mad.

Then I felt a hand on my thigh, and then the hand squezed lightly. Oh I FLIPPED out.

I jumped up Immiadately. "I-if you'll excuse me, I think the kettle's boiling so I'll just go Into the kitchen, where there are plenty of witne- I MEAN where the kettle Is!" Oh I BOOKED IT to the kitchen were everyone else was sitting around the table chatting.

I rushed over to the cabnet and got out my tea bags, then placed them down and took the kettle and filled It with water then placed It on the stove cranked up the fire and leaned against the counter tapping my foot LOUDLY. I crossed my arms against my chest TIGHTLY.

Of course, when I'm In 'flustered mode' I do things very fast, so I can only Imagine what the other's saw probably a red Britsh blur.

Alan stepped up to me tentavely.

"U-um, Mon Amour? Are you okay?"

I glared at him and snorted.

"OfcourseI'mbloodyokay,whywouldn'tIbebloodyokay?"

"Because your extremely re-"

"YOU BETTER END THAT SENTENCE RIGHT **FUCKING** NOW OR YOUR GOING TO END UP IN A BODY BAG, I'M PERFECTLY FINE IT'S JUST A LITTLE BLOODY HOT IN HERE SO **FUCK OFF!"**

I let out a shakey breathe and twitched. I took a lot of deep breathes and after the dizzyness stopped I finally gripped the table, and looked at Britney.

"Brit-ney...I...help..." She walked over and hugged me I pushed her away.

"Not that kind of bloody help, just talk to me so I don't die...," my voice was so cracked and small, you had to be a dog to hear It.

But, Britney's seen me like this before so she took the kettle and poured It In a big cup (I put the tea bags In the kettle WHILE It's boiling, It saves time). She handed It to me and I drank, and when I say 'drank' It, I mean I DESTROYED It. After I finished It, I let out a relieved breathe and smiled at her.

"Thank you Britney, I think I love you sometimes."

She nodded and smiled, then put the cup, more like GIANT ASS MUG really In the sink.

I sat out the counter and pressed my back up against the cold wall.

"I feel better now...," I smiled and looked at Britney.

"You know Britney, your really cute you know that? Like 'WTF?' cute, no no no I mean like um...what's the word?...I don't know your just fucking cute...black hair Is great It my book...you know what's weird...that I'm **NEVER** nice...which Is weird because I'm nice In my head, but somehow you guys just...emotionally fustrate me somehow where I don't **WANT** to be nice to you, It's weird like, I'd be like Frenchie over there If It wasn't for how fucked up the rest of you act."

Oh Korea was dieing...well at least he died laughing oh well.

"...well that was weird, why'd he pass out?" I looked down at my shoes and then back up and smiled happily.

"Ir kechelaededve edrdlicche verdpo utpoveice." I got teary on the end of that sentence and added, while I looked at Prussia. "Cheiceiechehairlaededve verdpo, Utired Ir edrdlicche verdpo, Ir edrdliche verdpo." I sniffed and wiped my eyes.

Britney's POV

After that was all said and done, Rave got REALLY bloody quite. I looked at the Nations and boy did they look _confused_. I coughed and all attention was drawn to me and I shifted Uneasily.

"Do you know, what he said?" That was the Prussian by the way who was eyeing Rave catiously.

I shrugged. "Nope, not a clue. That's his own very special made up language, he hasn't told anybody that I know how to bloody understand It, so only he knows. When he says something In that language though you know he means It a lot, like A LOT a lot."

I heard Rave sob just then and walked over to him. "Hey stop crying already we're all your friends here. What you just said can't be all that bad, hell, I bet It's terrific."

Rave's POV

I smiled up at Britney and laughed slightly. "You have NO Idea, and I'm sorry for crying like that It's well like Britney said, that was very emotional for me." I went silent again. I walked out of the room, but picked up Feli first though and walked Into the living when.

**BAM...BAM...BAM**

Yeah, I know that knock, It's his It has to be his. I walked over to Matt and handed him Feli then proceeded to the door. I opened It wide and was Immiadately grabbed. I heard the door shut behind me quickly all I could let out was a 'YELP!' of surprise before the door shut off my voice.

Britney's POV

I watched as Rave went up to the door and opened It, then just disappeared with a loud muffled sound, that sounded like.

"A-AH!"

Everyone went to rush the door, but I stopped them.

"Stop It, stop right there!" Everyone turned and glared at me.

"But, he's In trouble!" I looked back at the door.

"Yes, he Is. But he's going to be In even MORE trouble If you rush the door and whoever's holding him hostage decides to slit his throat, because we were to stupid to stand still and calm and wait for his demands!" I shouted at the Prussian.

He shut-up and looked down at the floor solemly.

Rave's POV

"Mother Russia!" I was greeted by a bear hug from my older brother and I laughed and hugged him back.

"Yeah, yeah. I know Vanya, I know. Stop hugging me already so I can get a good look at you." He realeased me and I stood back staring at him.

My older brother has sharp angular features and black hair, he also has piercing blue eyes and a strong muscular type look to him, he's tall to like 6' 5''.

I laughed at his smiling face and smiled back.

"Would you like to meet all my friends?" He laughed too, and replied. His voice Is very childish but has a russian accent to It that make him sound so cute!

I opened the door and looked at everyone smiling. "Hey guys, why u look so defensively? It's just my older брат!" I laughed I loved how the Russian word for brother sounds so similar to the word 'brat' In english.

I stepped to the side so he could come In, he hand to duck poor door frame was a good 5'' Inches shorter than him.

He smiled at everyone and replied cheerfully "Hello!" He was so cute! I love him so much! When we were kids I would constantly mess with him all the time, not that he minded. We were very good friends, he just doesn't visit often. Because, he's away at work In Moscow, he works as a waiter..but I think he got fired.

He always gets fired for freaking out the customers, when he gets home though we had a good laugh about the situation. He stays he whenever he can, and he's my brother, and my best-friend! Aside from Britney, so of course he can stay here If he wants to!

(Guess whose a Russia fangirl! :-D! This girl, but seriously though, I love the character.)

Anyway, so I laughed and hugged my brother again just for the hell of It. He always smiles when I hug him, and he blushes slightly. He doesn't think I can see It but I do.

When I stopped hugging him though, during which I told him to Introduce himself to the others, but Britney, Matt, Mika, and ALAN definately know about him!

"I'm Raves big brother, Dimitri!"

Ah, I love my complicated family.

Alright so I hope you enjoyed the chapee ^_^!

I love the Russian name Dimitri, It's so awesome!

He's definately going to have a pairing with one of them, and I'm going to be a little pervy here right know, but let's just say this pairing Is not CRACK! And Is has to do with the actual Russiaxsomeone pairing. Wait I think It may be crack, I mean they've been In the same room together, but they've never actually talked.

Or even acknowledged each other, but let's just say like with any Russian pairing, the smex comes with leather, screams, and awesome bondage scenes!

Yeah, that was probably the most pervy thing I've said all day. AND IT RYHMED, BONUS! =D

Oh and thank all of you for your Reviews, I love them! They're always funny and awesomely weird, because that's the definition of Hetalia. Anyway, I love you all and I'll be sure to keep writing!

And for those of you who are wondering what Rave said. If you want to have fun translating It I'll give you the word key. I'm sorry If this comes out weird...doc manager hates me...along with a certain other device that won't be missed!

A-la

B-fa

C-ha

D-git

E-che

F-le

G-ut

H-ow

I-ir

J-er

K-ne

L-ed

M-sp

N-ec

O-rd

P-ie

Q-be

R-ke

S-ice

T-ney

U-po

V-lic

W-ter

X-ll

Y-ve

Z-ite


	16. But I like popcorn

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, next chapter ENJOYA!

Chapter 16 - But I like pop-corn...

After all the Introducing was down I went off Into the kitchen and fished around In the pantry before finding what I wanted. MICROWAVE POP-CORN! I LOVE microwave pop-corn, It's so awesome, I love going to the movies so ergo, I like pop-corn. I took out a packet and un-wrapped It folded It out and placed It In the microwave.

I punched In the timer for 2:00. Yes, this Is the perfect way to make microwave pop-corn, trust me I've had a lot of experience. It started popping and I was watching It smiling happily, I swear I even made up a song to sing while It pops (Lol, I'm not joking about that, I've actually made up a song about microwave pop-corn.)

"Pop-corn! popa-a-pop, go the kernels! Pop-corn, how I love you so! Pop-corn you know my love Is true! Pop-corn, do you love me too!? Pop-corn makes the world go round, OH! Pop-corn makes the world go round!"

I opened the door quickly at the end of the song and pinched the tab on the edge of the open seal, because that MOFO IS HOT! (**WARNING**: microwave pop-corn Is hot when you just take It out of the microwave, be careful unless you want to be burnt! OCHIE! :'.

I shook It up then threw It on the counter and walked over to the refrigerater; picking up my own special cup on the way. (I'm not joking, I actually have a special cup that has my name on It In black lacy lettering with a black rose near the bottom of the glass). It has my name on It and everything! It's my favorite cup, Britney made It for me In a weird class she took In college,

"Are you making microwaved pop-corn?"

I jumped and spun around to see America. "Oh good god, It's just you! Don't bloody scare me like that you git!" I growled and went back to filling up my cup with pink lemonade flavored Kool-aid, and yes I like Kool-aid,,,and I especially like the pink lemonade flavor. GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT!?

I sighed and screwed the cap back on the cup then raised to my lips and took a sip. I went over to the counter and grabbed the bag of pop-corn. "And to answer your question YES, I've MADE microwave pop-corn. I'm going to watch my favorite movie tonight cause' I think I deserve a little normalcy In this house of choas."

I walked Into the living room and placced the bad of pop-corn on the couch then snooped around for the DVD In question on the DVD rack. I picked up the DVD case and popped It open then ripped out It's floppy disced Inards and tossed the empty carcase on the coffee table.

I put the DVD In the player and pressed play then grabbed the remote, and plopped down on the couch, In my SPOT. (Big Bang Theory referance, but I do have a SPOT on my couch at home XD). I sighed and picked up the pop-corn and placed It In my lap and began eating.

Britney's POV

We were all talking to Rave's older brother when I noticed Rave wasn't here. "Hey where's Rave?" Everyone looked around and shrugged. "I think I saw him walk Into the kitchen, I'll go check It out dude." America walked Into the kitchen while we were all stupified.

I laughed when I heard his pop-corn song coming from the kitchen then a 'YELP!' of surprise as he chewed America out for scaring him. Honestly It's SO funny scaring that kid, he always over-reacts. He rushed out of the kitchen and speedily put a movie In the player while we all just stood there.

Can he really just forget us that easily?

OH NO HE DIDN'T!

I walked up behind him while he was eating his pop-corn and gripped his shoulder fast and screamed "_I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!"_

Rave's POV

Alright, GET THIS. I was just sitting there minding my own buisness eating my pop-corn, and someone SOMEONE! Just grips my fucking shoulder and says In the most CREEPIEST VOICE EVER!

"_I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!"_

I flipped out, screamed and fell off the couch and onto the floor, I curled up Into a ball crying. "GO AWAY!" I screamed at the voice waving my hand franctically.

Then I heard the laughing.

Small at first then It roured Into a mess of laughter. I opened my eyes and un-curled from my ball on the floor. I saw that Britney was closet to me so she was the one who scared me. I punched her In the arm.

"GOD DAMNIT, BRITNEY! DON'T _DO_ THAT!"

She laughed harder then said she was sorry and helped me up. I swatted her hand away though and got up my-self. "SO TOTALLY _NOT_ FUNNY, that was mean Britney," I sniffed and look at her with teary eyes. "Your...your a jerk...look what you did to Mr. POP-CORN!" I gestured to the pop-corn bag that was on the floor with a little bit of It's contents spilled out.

I picked It up and scooped the pop-corn pieces off the floor. I went Into the kitchen and threw them away.

I went back to the couch, and guess what?

Britney was sitting In my SPOT.

Everyone else was everywhere else.

I snorted and grabbed Britney's shoulders then threw her on the floor and sat down In my seat and placed Mr. Pop-corn In my lap.

"HEY! THAT HURT, RAVE!"

I stared at her blankly and sighed looking at the T.V. "Don't start nothin' won't be nothin' biznitch...," I muttered under my sigh, but just loud enough for Britney to hear me. She rolled her eyes and sat down on the floor to the right of my legs.

Then the menu screen popped up and I realized, I didn't have the remote.

I looked around and saw the remote on the floor and sighed, then reached over and grabbed It. I clicked play and smiled at the screen.

"Hey, Britney you remember that musical that always makes you cry?"

She looked up at me and nodded. "You mean the one Johnny Depp was In?" I grinned at her and nodded, she looked up at me confused "Yeah, what about It?" I nodded towards the screen.

She gaped at me then turned to the screen. "Oh, you didn't." I chuckled "Oh but I did Britney, I did." The screen showed what looked like London In the 1800's. The clouds In the sky were black with smog, and soot from the verious fireplaces. A boat arrived In a port, and a tall man came out of the darkness of the boat with a heavy suitcase.

He took off his hat and revealed a crop of black hair with a VERY visible white streak of hair In the front, that's when the music started.

"I hate you, you know that Rave? You know how sad this movie Is!"

I rolled my eyes "Crybabies should shut their mouths while the big kids enjoy their movies, or was It...I think Instead of movies It ended a different way...something about porn or something...I dunno," I shrugged my shoulders and staired at the screen Infront of me boredly.

-Time Skip-

The movie ended without a hitch, and yes Britney CRIED. No, I mean actually CRIED...whatever she's such a crybaby...I only cried the first time I watched this. She kept glaring at me, cause everytime Sweeny slashed someone's throat I giggled.

She was glaring at me now cause I was doubled over In laughter cause of the ending.

She punched me In the shoulder and I stared up at her through my hair; a HUGE grin on my face the whole time, with small tears In the corners of my eyes.

"It's not funny."

I sputtered and laughed again "But-but..In the END, _HE_ died! It's SO funny...AHAHAHAHAHA!" I started laughing again and slumped onto the floor.

I sighed and placed my hands by my side.

Then I realized something...I was on the floor. The _floor_, on my back no less. And In _this_ house...being on the floor Is a _very_ _fucking bad Idea._

I sat up and sighed.

Just then Matt spoke up.

"Hey Rave, I'm going to be leaving tonight...," he started but didn't finish.

I stared at him "I know you were going to go home eventually, but what else Is there that your not telling me?"

He glanced at Roderich and I grinned. "I see, you wanna take Rody with you huh?" He blushed and nodded.

I looked at Rody. "And do you want to go with him?" The aristocrat blushed and nodded as well.

I smiled "THEN I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE!"

Both of their faces exploded.

"Oh!? They look like a couple of tomatoes!" I chuckled at Antonio's observation.

Matt coughed and I looked to him. "Um, Rave do you mind If we bring Feli?" I turned to look at Feli who was In Britney's arms and smiled at him. "Do you want to go with your Papa?" He smiled then giggled and nodded "Si~!"

I plucked him from Britney's arms and handed him to Austria, smiling all the while.

-Time Skip-

After a few hugs and less than emotional good-byes Matt left with Rody.

I sighed and squeaked when I felt a hand on my ass, I whipped around to glare at the offending albino. "HEY BACK THE FUCK OFF PEDO!"

He squinted at me. "Why do you always call me that? I'm, like 20, how old ARE you?"

I glared at him, then furrowed my eyebrows confused "I'm...23?"

"So your older than me, so how am I the pedo?"

I sputtered and blushed. "BECAUSE YOUR AN ASS GRABBING, KISSING WITHOUT PERMISSION, TOUCHING WITHOUT CONSENT, ASSHOLE!"

I stomped off up to my room and SLAMMED the door shut.

I couldn't help but chuckle Into my pillow because before I stormed out I heard big brother chuckling menacingly at the albino.

I sighed Into my pillow and took a mental re-cap of how many people I had In my house now.

I have, Alfred, Arthur, Gilbert, Antonio, France, Ludwig, Dimitri, Mika, Alan, and Britney. So about...10 people? Not so bad...as long as I don't get anymore units...


End file.
